We work together......breaking up

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
We work together......breaking up
1
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 10:09am

We have been dating for a little over a year. We met at work a few years back and I was always attracted to him and we finally got together Dec. 05. He is a great guy but he isn't everything I am looking for. For the past few months he has gotten real comfortable in the relationship and really has stopped doing anything with me. He still lives in his own place due to a lease and we had discussed moving in together in April when that lease expires. He is over 50 and divorced and it was an act of God to get him to even go out with me and he finally got to the point where he completely trusted me. He has NOT said he loves me nor have I except I know I am in love with him. He isn't extremely affectionate and is at times quite selfish. We aren't spring chickens and I want so much more. I even had a dream last night that I was fighting with my family over something stupid and he came out of the bedroom to see what the noise was all about and I was hoping he would stand by me but he turned tail and went back into the bedroom. That dream spoke volumes to me because I know he will never be that person that I desire.

Mostly my question is how do I separate myself from him when we work together? I use to have a rule that I didn't date co-workers and made an exception for him because he was so dang cute.....I am a sad sad woman. He trusts me and now I am going to break up with him? Not so bad if we didn't see each other every day....but he isn't giving me what I want. We talked in the beginning and he was clear that he was somewhat "cold" but he thought as we progressed that would change. It didn't. I don't want to change him I am not that type of woman I just want more. He doesn't have a clue I am thinking about all of this but I know I have to make the decision before we move in together because after that it will be just too cruel. I am responsible for this because had I listened to him in the beginning I wouldn't be hurting him now.

Just for the record I have discussed this all with him at length (the "coldness") and his response is.."I told you I was that way" and he did.

Thomasina

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 3:07pm

Hi,

I also dated someone that I work with. We dated for a little over a year. The total separation will take some time but believe me it's worth it. I didn't think that we'd ever be civil toward each other but I in turn learned a valuable lesson, don't get your honey where you make your money. If it doesn't work it gets sticky. It won't get better & besides you don't want to stay & a year from now you still feel the same way. Listen to your gut feeling before you no longer are able to hear it. He is the way he is. You deserve more.