Weary and Drained

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Weary and Drained
2
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 8:41am
I have finally contacted an attorney to legally end a 5 year emotionally devastating marriage from my emotionally abusive husband. He has tried EVERY emotionally abusive tactic and has been successful in virtually the complete destruction of my self esteem. His latest tactic has been to not call in over a month when he would routinely call 4-5 times a day (he works out of town).He has even refused to contact our 5 year old daughter. In addition, he has discontinued paying his share of her afterschool program fees.All other support has been on me. I am devatated both emotionally and financially. I want SOOOO desperately not to feel this increasing depression. Why am I unable to say, "good riddance and move on with your life?" I am hurting so badly inside, but I refuse to give in to these dooming feelings for the sake of my 2 children. My 17 year old son is from a previos marriage. I have a curse of continually picking and falling in love with the WRONG partner. Breaking up is hard to do, but it should be lessened when the circumstances are hopeless. Any suggestions that may help me get through this would be MUCH appreciated.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 10:55am

I am sorry for what you are going through, but glad that you've contacted an attorney...you need to get your temporary order for support filed NOW, and get it enforced through court action if need be.

As for your emotional state, it really sounds like counseling is a must for you, with someone who is trained in working with women who have been in emotionally abusive r'ships.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 11:37am

Therapy. Ask your lawyer for referals or information on a councelor you can afford. You're lawyer should be working on the financial end for you, but you need to fix YOU, for the sake of your daughter. She's been abandoned by her father, and now she'll need her mother's strength and sence of normalcy more than ever.

You need to find out WHY you are "continually picking and falling in love with the WRONG partner". Only when you know why you continue a behavior and choice that is destructive will you be able to break the cycle. You MUST find out why, you MUST keep your courage and build your self esteem, because your precious daughter is soaking up all of your lackings. She's learing from you what it's like to be a woman. You deserve to be the best woman you can. You need a new mantra. For years, I'd bet the majority of your life, it's been drilled into you "not good enough". Wake up every morning and say "I deserve better!" Outloud, with emotion, fake meaning it in the beginning if you have to. When the not good enough monster comes in for any reason, combat it with outloud "I deserve better!"

There's a fabulous book you might enjoy called 10 STUPID THINGS WOMEN DO TO MESS UP THEIR LIVES. The author is Dr. Laura Schlessinger, and I beg you, regardless of your own personal opinions about her as a person, just check out the book. The ten things really do mess up a womans life, and two options will come of it. You'll either get a good read and build self esteem knowing you AREN'T doing those things, or you'll get a good read and realize you ARE doing those things and you'll build self esteem implementing how to stop doing them.




Edited 1/20/2005 11:37 am ET ET by angelicafox