Wedding Questions

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wedding Questions
9
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 3:46pm

Hello everyone. I am not sure this is the right forum for this but I had a question about attending a friends wedding in another city. A good friend of mines finance is also friends with my ex-girlfriend and they live close and are in touch. The groom and I are friends and he is expecting me to attend but knowing my ex is there will be hard.

I just would have a hard time with it because I love this girl still even though we have been broken off over a year. I still think of her and our times and miss her a lot. She talks to my mom on the phone still sometimes. Her and I have little e-mail or text exchanges so we are not completely out of contact. It is just really hard and to see her at a wedding would not be fun and just emotionally heavy for me. I am not sure why people invite people that are broke up/divorced to weddings? They don't think of the other people. I am not able to go because of a firm comittment to my cousin's son's wedding that same weekend in CA anyway but if I did go it would be hard. It is childish to think people can be just friends. Sorry for the rant. What would you guys do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 4:28pm

.....I am not sure why people invite people that are broke up/divorced to weddings? They don't think of the other people.".....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 5:58pm

Sandra,

I understand that completly. I know it is not about me but why put yourself in an uncomfortable situation? Weddings cause all kinds of issues to come up. I have seen or experienced it. I know it would not be that bad but I guess I am not ready. Yes some people can be friends, depending on the depth of feelings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 6:17pm

Welcome to the board nittyranks,


I've been following the conversation and wanted to add since your last post, if you aren't ready to see her, you aren't ready, I get that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 7:15pm
....."I know it is not about me but why put yourself in an uncomfortable situation?"..... Simple, really: because it's a friend's wedding day. Hopefully that's a once-in-their-lifetime event. Now, if the friend is one of those fly-by-night, fair-weather types, then no, probably not a big deal, but if it's a true friend, then yeah, it would be time to suck it up.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 9:38pm
I would also like to add to the pep talk and not drinking...you should go get a new outfit and look absolutely amazing...not for the purpose to make her regret anything, but to make yourself feel great about yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 10:05pm
I am not ready. I thought I was last year when she came to visit relatives in a nearby town and nothing had changed and it was sad all over again because we still love each other. I won't take anyone as a "buffer" because that would make matters worse. I don't believe at creating drama for either party. I won't be in town that weekend anyway so I don't really have to worry. I guess I am suprised at some of the responses here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 11:15pm

I guess I'm surprised you think you'd feel or act the same way this year as you did a year ago. It's possible you may need more expert, guided help to get past this.

Self-fulfilling prophecies are exactly that. If a person tells themself they're not ready, then guess what? They won't be and it will continue to be exactly that way until they tell themselves otherwise. And yes, it is that simple. Not easy, but it is simple.

Best of luck,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 1:01am

I think you're so right Sandra,
You have to *choose* to be alright. My ex and I have essentially ALL mutual friends (and granted he hasn't been an ex very long for me), but there is always going to be that possibility to see him, and I don't want to make our friends have to choose between us, because that's not fair to anyone.
And speaking from previous experience, choosing to be alright feels so forced at first and pretty much you barely make it through whatever you had to get through, but eventually you realize that you are strong enough on your own to be there on your own, even if the ex is there as well.
However, Sandra is also right if you aren't able to choose to be okay even some of the time, then maybe it is time to find someone to help you. Stress like this throws your body and brain chemistry into all sorts of crazy patterns, and sometimes because we are the ones drowining in it, it is hard to get out on our own.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 1:05am
Sorry I am just not past it yet. For Some people take ten days, ten months, or ten years? It is an individual thing. I have been in therapy for this type of thing before. I am not sure what you are saying? Get over it, move on? I am not sure what you mean by self-fufilling prophecies? What do you want me to tell myself?