weird question...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2007
weird question...
5
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 9:30pm

I was with a friend today and had a run in with my ex (sort of). me and my friend were walking down a hallway at the university, and my ex is walking down the hallway behind us (but i do not see him at first. he was headed to class just like us, but when he sees my friend he asks for a hug from her. she CLEARLY says no because she knows of everytihng he's done to me, and knows that that would probubley get under my skin. but he continued to ask her saying "can i have a hug?...no? why not?" i could hear all of this going on, and it made me feel incredibly awkward. finally i just start walking faster so i dont have to head any of this...and as im walking away he says loudly (just loud enough so i can hear) "okay, she's not looking anymore, can i have a hug?". she didnt hug him of course, and she jusst followed me down the hallway...but i just thought it was a weird thing for him to say. im sure im completely over reacting, but that felt really hurtful to me for some reason. WHY DID THAT FEEL HURTFUL?

FURTHERMORE, WHY DID HE DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE? IS IT THAT HE'S IMMAUTRE AND CONTINUES TO TRY TO HURT ME EVEN THOUGH HE ENDED IT? OR AM I JUST THINKING WAY TOO FAR INTO A SIMPLE SITUATION? IS IT POSSIBLE THAT HE WASNT EVEN TRYING TO MAKE ME JEALOUS By SAYING THAT, BUT JUST DOING IT?

is it stupid of me to continue thinking that he's doing these immautre mean things on purpose? if he was...wouldnt that mean that he was giving me some sort of thought? and i know he doesnt still think about me, so WHY DOES HE DO THINGS LIKE THAT?

hee will not speak to me or even look at me, but if he gets the chance he will put me in situations like that and i really just wonder why...

any thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 9:58pm
You've already answered your own question. He's immature. He knows it bothers you, and he continues to do it. I don't know, but I sense a sadistic streak in him as well. I would sort of understand his behavior if you were the one that broke up with him (because he would be hurt). But he was the one that ended it and the least he could do is act like a decent human being about it. Thank your lucky stars you're not with him anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2007
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 10:33pm
you're right, he did break up with me...but on new years one of his friends makde a move on me at midnight and i figured 'why not, i need a midnight kiss anyways' (not even thinking of my ex) and ever since then he's been SO mean/indifferent towards me. do you think the things he is doing in front of me have to do with me hooking pu with his friend (who i dont even like, it was just a new years thing). and if so...when i see him he seems to be compltetly over me...and we've had one conversation since the break up, and he was complettly indifferent the whole time. SO WHAT that one of his friends kissed me? if he hates me so much, and is so over me, and "just doesnt have those feelings anymore", why the need to be so cruel still?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2007
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 8:16am
im not trying to sound mean or bad or anything towards you. But he could possibly believe that the wholle break up was your fault. And now hes mad at you for something he had to end. I know it sounds totally crazy but thats what my ex is doing to me. He said he loved me so much so so long, more than ill ever believe. And when he broke up with me, he said it was MY fault. That I MADE him not love me anymore. That he was mad at ME for him leaving me. Hes mad at me for making him leave me? For his loss of feelings towards me? I dont know. But maybe in some way your ex believes it was your fault, and is now trying to punish you. I dont know him, and I dont know you. But when I read your comment my situation with my ex popped into my head. It may have no relevance to you at all, but think about it, It might help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 12:32pm

funny you should mention that, angel, i am going through the same sort of thing. my ex has been completely immature and passive-aggressive in many ways since HE ended it with me. i don't understand but he said some of the same things, that my behavior caused him to become unhappy in the relationship. i never thought that might be the reason for his behavior now, but regardless it is immature and uncalled for.

socompletelylost, i agree, he is immature and it probably hurts him that you kissed his friend, even though he broke up with you. from my experience, even if a guy doesn't want you any more, that doesn't mean he wants anyone else to have you. they are very territorial. he is trying to make you jealous/sad/upset for whatever reason. don't buy into it. like you said don't read too much into it. ignore those types of things and eventually they will stop. if he gets a reaction out of you, he will continue to do things like that, so i'm glad you didn't react in a way that would provoke him even further.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 1:14pm
Yes, he's immature. Too bad your friend wasn't as loud in her refusal as he was in his asking.


Carrie