Weird situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Weird situation
8
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 12:14pm

This is such a tough one... I need some help to figure out what to do.

The recent story: We broke up five weeks ago after 2+ years of off and on. He immediately started dating a girl he met while we were together. I avoided him like the plague to avoid any sort of emotional reaction. My friends tried very hard to be cool about the whole thing by spending time with each of us separately.

I'm really starting to move on at this point. I'm really getting into my workouts (training for a triathlon), I've lost weight (I fit back into my skinny jeans last night!!), and I have a new flame in my life (we went on a date Friday night).

Well, my new flame is also friends with some of my friends, and after our date Friday night, I told him where I might be for Saturday night (a birthday celebration at a bar). He said that he might try to go as well (obviously to spend a little more time with me...). However, I spoke to my friend who was organizing the party, and she said that my ex was going to be there, and he might be bringing his girlfriend. So I decided just to do something else (a cookout). Unfortunately, my new flame decided to go to the bars anyways because he had his brother with him, and they wanted to do some partying.

Well, as you can imagine, the moment the new flame walked in the door, one of my guy friends spilled the beans to the ex about my date with the new flame. The ex didn't bring his new girlfriend with him for some reason (strange because that's the first time they've spent a weekend apart since the ex and I broke up). Well, upon finding out this new information, the ex goes flying into a rage, then marches right up to new flame. Asks him directly if he was dating me, answer: yes. Asks if he hooked up with me (the nerve!!!), Answer: yes.

More rage... an angry trip to the bathroom, and then the ex stormed home. New flame stayed out and had fun with friends. Ex sends me a nasty text:

"You know I want you to be happy. But seriously "New Flame" has gray hair. Ur better than that." (By the way, I find gray hair extremely sexy)

Then two new texts the next day:

"I'm sorry I said what I said last night. I shouldn't have said that."

and

"I'd like to talk sometime whenever ur ready. Its been tough lately with making plans with our friends." (seriously... "ur"? What is he? 14?)

I'm FURIOUS. 1. He could have potentially messed up the really good thing I have going with the new flame. 2. He is SUCH a hypocrite! He started dating a dumb/ugly girl IMMEDIATELY after we broke up. 3. His "apology" is so self serving. He's just trying to keep from looking like the bad guy, as usual. I mean, I dated the guy for 2+ years. He's a bad person. Trust me on this one. He's apologized more to me since we broke up than he ever did while we were dating. Seriously. 4. I've ALREADY told him I didn't want to talk to him or be his friend. I sent him an email saying that last week.

So, I didn't respond to his texts. However, one of my girlfriends thinks that I SHOULD talk to him in order to come to an arrangement with our friends (we have ALL the same friends and it has been very awkward resulting in one of us always getting excluded from the nights events). I just don't know what to do. I want to make things easier for the friends, but I DON'T want to even be in the same ROOM... same CITY as that jerk! I told that friend that for now, I'm just not ready to come to an agreement. After the events of Saturday night... I don't know if I ever will.

Sorry this was long, but I guess I just needed some vent time. Thanks for listening!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 12:29pm

Oh, boy, what a JERK!!! I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

I say don't respond. And frankly I'd be thinking hard about changing my number, but only if you can get your friends on board to NOT give it to the ex.

As for the friends, work things out with THEM--there's no reason for the ex to be involved, IMO.

Have you talked to/heard from New Flame? Hopefully he'll see your ex for the jerk he is?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 1:13pm

He IS a jerk. Sometimes I kick myself when I realize I dated such a turd for so long.

I don't think anyone would give him the number, but I figure it's just as easy to ignore him. Actually, it's kinda funny. And I have had the same number since 1995... I'm kinda attached to it.

I've been chatting with a friend all morning. I told her that I wasn't comfortable with talking to him. She totally understands and is fine with just not inviting the ex to part of the get-togethers.

I haven't spoken to New Flame yet... I am a tad nervous, and I didn't want to call yesterday because I was so emotional (I watched "First Daughter" and cried 4-5 times... what the heck?). I will call tonight, and let him know that was a strange fluke. Just awkward, and hopefully New Flame will understand why things obviously didn't work out with Ex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 1:16pm

Hi faaabulous,


I totally agree with Sheri.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 2:20pm
I agree. It helps that I know I'm doing the right thing here by avoiding him... AND it also happens to be the one thing I know is driving him crazy. Hopefully, he won't try to use it against me (Faaab is such a witch... she won't even try to work things out for the sake of our friends), but luckily I've already spoken to many of my friends, and they obviously know what Ex is made of, and all about his sad little rage issues. By taking a step back and not reacting emotionally to any of his BS, he's managed to screw his own situation up without any help from me.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 2:29pm

Well, then continue to ignore him. I know from experience that it's easy enough to ignore a few contacts from the ex, but it's when it adds up to 10-15 or more, it gets harder. So be pro-active in stopping the contacts if you find yourself not being able to truly ignore them (if they are bothering you at all, that's not a good thing).

Plus, him contacting you (even if you don't respond) can set you back nearly as much as actual contact, I've found.

But hopefully he'll stop.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 2:36pm
That's a very good point... I'll keep that in mind in case I do need to get a new number. Is there any way to block a text message on a cell??
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 2:43pm

That varies by cell phone carrier. I know I used to be able to on Sprint--haven't checked it recently though. I'd contact yours to find out.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 3:07pm
Cool. Thanks for all the advice.