Well I did it to myself
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| Tue, 07-10-2007 - 4:55pm |
Here I am AGAIN
My history - we started dating over 2 1/2 years ago, broke up and got back together twice. Broke up a 3rd time and started communicating again under the agreement (his, not mine) that we could date other people. I did not want to date other people. He did not want to commit. When I found out he was dating someone, I cut off all communication. It was over the holidays and very rough but I got thru it. Absolutely no communication. Then 3 months later (in Feb) he calls. Same thing - loves me, no one measures up to me but he still can't commit and wants to date other people. I was able to handle it for a while but became very controlling of his time and questioned what he was doing all the time. He felt very pressured and I started becoming nutty. So after four months, I went into psycho mode and finally sent an email Sat telling him I could not do this. If he loves me, why does he want to date other people. I called him selfish and stubborn and that my lack of security had made me become someone I didn't want to be. I told him to let me know when we could get together to exchange our personal belongings. I have yet to hear from him.
AGAIN, I put myself in this situation. WHY am I so stupid? And I am second guessing myself. Is it wrong for me to think that most women (particularly after 2 1/2 years of history) would not just be able to sit back and watch the man they love date some one else?? Thoughts please!

Of course you're not wrong to think that, but as you say, you made the choice to get back together with him knowing he wasn't willing to commit.
You aren't "stupid" but you feel victim to what I like to call the "triumph of hope over reality" mentality (and believe me, I've BTDT myself). You know you don't want this type of relationship so there's no point in 2nd guessing yourself--ending it again was the right thing to do. Spend some time on your own and heal from this relationship, then down the road you can start looking for someone who actually justs wants to date YOU!
Sheri
Rule number one:
I know how you feel broken3times. I am almost at the same exact point of time. I went out with my ex (i cant believe im saying ex again) for 2 years, we broke up in April , then got back together in May. We just broke up again this weekend and it's not as bad as the first time but i'm still hurt. Still messed up from what he said.
He also said the same crap, "i don't want to commit, i don't want a girlfriend right now." I don't understand how he doesn't want a girlfriend after dating for 2 years? Guys never know what they want...until it's gone. ive been nothing but good to him. we've never cheated on each other, never had problems physically with each other. I kept asking him, is there someone else, he told me there is no one else.
My ex doesn't want a girlfriend, doesn't want to be with anyone, period. Then he said he wants to be friends?? I don't know about that. Is this goin to be like sex and the city where Carrie and Big remain friends because they still want to be involved with each other's lives and eventually get back together? I don't know if I could watch my ex date other women. not right now at least. That sounds like what you are going through right now, how could he say he loves you and cares for you but he'd rather date other people? ugh. I would NOT stand for that. You should definitely stick up for yourself. One of my friends told me, "get angry, be a bitch." thats the only way you're going to get through to him. I've been too nice to my ex and now I'm the one with the broken heart.
My ex also asked if he could get his things from my apartment, he doesn't have that much. a couple DVDs, sweatpants, shirts. I dunno it sounds like a crap excuse to get with me one last time. I'm not going to fall for it. Check out the movie "Two can play that game." It's hilarious, the girl gets all dressed up sexy and goes to his place to drop off his box of "stuff" and then he begs her to stay. i wouldn't suggest doing that unless you are strong enough to leave the feelings behind and just walk out the door.
alright let me know how everything went, I'm goin to keep busy this week and not think about the inevitable pain.