Well, I guess we're breaking up
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| Mon, 07-04-2005 - 3:20pm |
Background: I broke up with my fiancee who I was with for nearly six years a few months ago, and he finally moved out mid March. Less than 2 weeks later I met the guy I'm seeing now, and we've been together ever since. There are so many great things about the new relationship that I'm not going to post because they are not relevant, but I'm guessing I'm going to have to break up with him (assuming he hasn't already quasi broken up w/ me) and it just really sucks.
Last night I basically had it. We had "plans" on Saturday night, meaning I went to his house, we ate dinner, watched a movie, and had sex a couple of times. Then I overheard him loudly discussing his plans with his roommate for the next day (in other words, I would not be able to stick around for long) to go to some local event. Even when his roomie tried to beg off by saying he didn't even have any money, my wonderful guy came to the rescue by offering to pay his way. Naturally, he did not ask me if I might like to join them.
I asked him if he wanted to come to my place after, as this event was nearby and he is leaving on Tuesday to go to a family reunion (naturally I'm not invited, though I'm fairly certain his brother's girlfriend of 2 months will be there) and then right after he gets back I am going on vacation for a week. He was kind of wishy washy about it, and I reminded him that we wouldn't be seeing each other for awhile, and he said "oh yeah, that's right," and then said that if he couldn't come over he would stop by and see me before he left for the reunion, but that EITHER WAY HE WOULD CALL ME LAST NIGHT. Naturally, I heard nothing from him, so I have had it!!! This is not the first time he has been stupid like this recently. I have tried to cut him some slack because he had a really bad family tragedy about 3 weeks ago that has left him kind of out of it, but he seems to have to problems making (and keeping) plans with everyone else in his life.
If this was the only problem then maybe I could get over it, but it's not.
1) I feel like I'm his last priority. He never makes any effort (or at least usually doesn't) to make any plans with me IN ADVANCE anymore. I have brought this up to him and he always denies it, but I really feel like he only wants to hang out with me if he has nothing better to do (and doesn't feel like just staying home alone).
2) He never invites me along when he goes out w/ friends, though he does expect me to invite him out with me and my friends if he wants to come, and has even invited himself along before. Yet if it is him going out w/ his friends, apparently I'm not welcome.
3) He makes no effort to introduce me to his family or friends. The only time I have met any of them was by fluke, like they happened to call and ask if they could come over when I was already there. Then he introduces me to them. This is probably the biggest glaring indicator of NOT THAT INTO ME that there is. Obviously he doesn't want to introduce them to me because I'm not that important to him and he doesn't want to go through the hassle of explaining to them where I went when we're no longer together, or having them read too much into our "relationship."
Well, I guess in the end it's his loss, and I really mean that. Despite all the negative things I've just posted other things between us are really great and we could have a wonderful relationship if he would only just grow up, but I guess that's not going to happen. All I have to say is, biggest mistake of your life, buddy. I'm sure he'll be kicking himself in the a$$ for this one up the road, that is if he ever wakes up.
I am officially swearing off men.
I know this is not nearly as bad as some of the break up stories that a lot of you have posted about, but it still hurts, so thanks for letting me vent anyway.
Sarah

Hon, this guy has a pattern of committing to himself and only to himself. You've allowed this situation to occur because you've been "cutting him some slack" as you put it. However, every person has limits and apparently you've reached yours. He's taking you for granted, you meet his needs: sex and a buddie. There is no need for him to commit and be responsible and obligated to you. This guy won't change, as he's been the same since you've known him.
It's possible that if you don't break up with him, he'll call you in a few days like nothing has happened and would expect to see you and pick up where you left off, meaning have sex and hang out.