went on 2 dates, made me kind of sad
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went on 2 dates, made me kind of sad
| Sun, 11-04-2007 - 11:52pm |
so i am working on moving on. i am trying. i still cannot stop thinking about my ex. i feel like he just screwed up something that was really nice and had a great deal of potential. and i love him. and i cannot stop thinking about him. it has been over 6 weeks now, and i still miss him. and i know he is not

Hi ibiscool,
Why do you think you should be over him in these past 6 weeks?
i thought dating would help me move on and get over him. we only went out 6 months, but i did fall in love with him, very deeply, and it was a very meaningful relationship to me, thought we seriously had a future. but i feel like i am getting close to 2 months, and we went out only for 6, that i should be over him by now. i see him on the dating website, that he is logging on a lot, so he must be looking for girls, or getting some responses from some. i am not gonna go on the site anymore for a while, it upsets me too much to see him popping up in my matches. but he has clearly moved on. you know, people say like 1 week for every month you went out, or 1 day for every week you went out. i know they are stupid parameters, but i guess i thought i would be further along by now. maybe i just like being sad over him. i just do not want to forget stuff. my memories and my emails are all i have, but i like torture myself thinking of him all of the time. i should probably try that thought stopping stuff from that article below, you know, pinch myself when i think of him. that would be a lot of pinches. i just keep going over everything in my mind, over and over, trying to make sense of something i will never make sense of, but to say he is a recovering drug addict. but since i am not one, it is hard for me to understand how hard maybe his life is for him, how hard it is for him to be in a relationship. it is just very upsetting, reading old emails, thinking of our time together, that he really
I guess you've said it yourself already, there's no expiration date on how long you can mourn an ex, regardless of how long the relationship was. No, it has to do a lot with how you use the time post-break up, than any formula. It took my mom only half a year to get over the collapse of her 20 year marriage.
I can take a guess at why you're not making any progress (or very little) - you're still living this relationship by yourself, long after he's walked away. If you feel you can't delete his emails, create an email account, forward all of those emails there, and hand over the login to a friend who will change the password. Then you'll have them for a future date, but you won't be able to access them while you're healing.
In any case, until you decide that you're going to let go and really try to move on, you're going to be stuck in the same ditch. And on a completely different note, maybe you' done a ton of healing, but you expect too much of yourself, so the progress you made never seems to reach your over the top expectations. You know what? if you do it right, the post-break up period can be one of the most self-rewarding times in you life.
cheers
There is really no time limit on when you get over someone. But its true ....its
"You know what? if you do it right, the post-break up period can be one of the most self-rewarding times in you life."
I have experienced this as well. I am a month and a half in, and I have never felt so alive, so full of growth and learning and self-understanding.
Hang in there.
thanks everyone for the replies. i know i should probably delete the emails. i am getting to that point. i had been doing better, and then reading the emails last night, it just made me start questioning everything all over again, like what happened and why did he leave. i guess for me, i took things slowly with him, i had my walls up and he was like, he had plenty of time to work with me. i did not hop into bed with him right away, waited about 6 weeks actually. i was slow to let my guard down. then once i did, i guess he put his own up, when he started to feel too involved and was feeling unbalanced in his life. meanwhile, i was really falling hard for him. i just guess i will never understand how he could say the things he said and act the way he did and then all of the sudden change his mind and declare he was not in love with me and then i do not hear another word from him. i guess because i am not a recovered drug addict i will nevre understand what goes through his mind and what his daily life is really like. i thought he was in a good place in his life, and ready to really move forward, but i guess i was wrong.
i did go on the dates just hoping to make a friend, but it did also remind me of how my ex kind of took my breath away when i first saw him, and it is not like he is all that handsome or hot, there was just something immediately there. but now it is gone.
i thought the dates would help me. now i think i will just lay low a while. i am not having this rewarding post break-up experience though that people here talk about. most of my friends are married with kids, i hardly ever hear from them or see them. i was alone for a very long time before i met the ex, hence why i had major walls up about meeting someone. so i had already done a lot of self-connecting, and had tried to join social groups and things like that. it was just nice being in a relationship finally and i miss it and him. i feel kind of like a second class citizen again, like i have regressed into these feelings about being single and that i will never find anyone, especially with all of my friends and family attached. and it took so long for me to meet him and he made me so happy. i try to think of the bad things about him. about our relationship. there just are not that many. things were always on his terms though, i guess part of his need to control his life. and i suppose it should be a big warning sign, something that should be a big problem and a major flaw of his, that he was a recovered drug addict, but i felt he was so responsible and disciplined. but that part of his personality i think is what led him to leave and cut me out so quickly and completely. my dad says he is not recovered, he is not ready. i know all of these things, yet i still torture myself and think about him constantly.
maybe it is time to delete those emails. like you said, i am reliving our relationship over and over by myself. it is over and i need to get over him.
For shorter relationships, I think the guideline that it takes half the time you were in the relationship to move on is pretty accurate.