We're still in love....just didnt work

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2006
We're still in love....just didnt work
5
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 11:45pm
I dont know that there is anyone else out there thats in the same position as me...though it seems we're all in the same boat some way or another.... i very recently broke up with the love of my life. We love each other deeply, but could not stay together for reasons neither of us can compete with. I am a daughter of an indian couple who believe strongly in getting married within the religion. My now ex boyfriend wasn't part of this religion and it made my parents so very unhappy. We stuck with our relationship for a year and a half. It eventually came to be we were both becoming so sad because I was always keeping things from my parents and he was always trying to be a part of something he could potentially never be a part of. It hurts so much because we both broke up mutally but I thought love was supposed to conquer all? I thought if we had just held on to our relationship we'd get through anything...but I was wrong i guess...but i was wrong and I'm still in love.....how is one supposed to get through this? to make it worse, we still talk, and it seems like we never broke up....he's my best friend, i dont know how to move on without him....
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2006
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 2:12am

hi, sorry to hear you're hurting. my relationship of 3 years just ended as well, and i'm very much in the same boat as you. we left in love when it seemed like we were just starting on a long journey together. i think ultimately it ended because i would never have been accepted by her family (her's is mexican, catholic, etc etc etc...i'm none of the above). she was everything to me...best friend, lover, THE ONE. and there were no warning signs and nothing either of us could've done to change the outcome. the reality is that life situations and positions do matter to each of us and they do effect whether a relationship will ultimately work or fail. i too thought that love would prevail. sadly, it did, but the relationship did not. sometimes i wonder if it would be easier now if she would have just cheated on me, or in some other way let the relationship down. perhaps it would be easier to walk away then. but now it will forever be "the great love affair" of my life and that is tough to live without. really really tough. but i know time will heal. and life will go on, it always does. my suggestion for you right now would be to cut off all contact and see what the space does for you. who knows, perhaps you will find it worth fighting for against all odds...or maybe you'll continue to just think about what might have been. either way, having no contact at all will at least start the healing process for you, even though right now i'm sure you don't want to heal or move on. just breathe.

~michael

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 10:17am

I am very sorry for your situation. It is a very tough situation to have to be in. Unfortunately, love doesn't always conquer all. Sometimes, two people can really love each other, but other incompatibilities keep them from being able to be happy in a relationship together. Sometimes it comes down to having to make a choice. The two of you still have the option of staying together, but it would mean either cutting off ties with your parents, or continuing to have to live with these problems, and it doesn't sound like either of you want to do those things.

I know that you don't want to have to do this, but I don't think you will be able to move on and get over him as long as you continue talking to him. I wish I could tell you that it won't be painful, but it will. You just have to hang in there and get through it. You just need to let yourself grieve and give it time and eventually the pain will heal. Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 1:51pm

hello viperrjenn

well actually your story is similar with my previous relationship!!! we both have diff nationality and the worst thing is we both have different religion...his jehovah and i'm pure catholic..i grow up and even graduated to a catholic school...so my believed to JESUS is that strong.You know that jehovah and catholic believedS are oposite right..they dont believed with JESUS and MOTHER MARY...so everytime him and his family(esp his mom)coming to my house..they dont like what they see..THE IMAGES OF JESUS AND MOTHER MARY from my house..so they want me to take everything out and OFCOURSE I DIDNT LET THEM!!!

WELL WE LAST FOR 2YRS...COZ SOMEHOW ARE RELATIONSHIP AIN'T WORKING AT ALL...IT HURT A LOT BUT WHAT CAN I DO...WERE NOT MEANT TO BE!! BUT TIME FLY I ALREADY MOVE ON...ONE DAY HE WAS BEGGING ME TO COME BACK FOR HIM AND MARRY HIM AND START A FAMILY(HE TOOK HIM ABOUT A YR TO FINALLY STOP BEGGING ME TO GIVE HIM A ANOTHER CHANCE)

...I'M A TYPE OF PERSON IF MY FEELING FADED I CANT PUT IT BACK ANYMORE...

WELL I HOPE EVERYTHING FOR YOU WILL BE FINE...GOOD LUCK

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2006
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 11:51pm

Hellos:)

I can't thank you enough for the kind words. As I read through your message I found myself nodding my head a lot and totally agreeing with everything you were saying. I will do my best with what I have at this time, and take your advice on cutting it off (which is what I pretty much knew I should do) Hopefully the bumpy road ahead won't be for long:)

I definatly thought the same with the whole "i just wish something went wrong" other than leaving a relationship with a big ol question mark... but if you think about it, how lucky are we? To have an experience with someone that we will always love- but both parties are mature enough to realize it's just not going to work out and end it on still an upper note. Not too shabby if you ask me:)

Thanks again...hope your situation is better. Please let me know if I can help with anything!

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2006
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 11:55pm

Thank you for your reply. Your words give me strength to just move on, and try my best not to look back..... afterall, looking back only holds you from the future right?! :)

Thanks agian.