what am I missing here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
what am I missing here?
3
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 10:28am
if a guy that broke up with you tells you that he likes and wants to be friends. He also tells you that he's phisically attracted, but his heart is not there. What was missing for a relationship for him to break up??
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 11:45pm
Emotional, mental and spiritual chemistry. I've been reading up on the way men think/feel/communicate at MarsVenus.com and they say that men become attracted to the physical first, then develop an emotional connection (they like you/your personality), then mental (they like the way you think) and finally spiritual. Obviously he finds you very attractive, but isn't connecting to you on the other levels.

How long were you dating?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 12:10pm
dating for over a year. Lot of that time he was away, so about half of it is long-distance. When he finally came back, we went on holidays together, and after that had a fight, and he broke up with me. Maybe we just needed a little break after being 'exposed' so closed to each other. He started to irritate me, and probably he had the same feelings, so he just broke up with me. It all happened withing 2-3 days, and there were no problems before. Maybe he realized that there were some differences of deeper levels as you say, but maybe we just needed a short break from each other? People do fight, and then they make it up... so I'm confused, should I try to save it or let it go?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 10:44pm
It sounds like due to the Long Distance factor, maybe the relationship didn't develop properly. This happens with many relationships, but the LD factor certainly makes it more of a possibility. At MarsVenus.com, they say there are 5 stages of dating - Attraction, Uncertainty, Exclusivity, Intimacy and Engagement. If you skip or rush through any of the stages, you risk one or both of the partners going back to the uncertainty stage. Sounds like that may have happened with you guys.

It could be that you both could take a break, but better would be to understand that maybe the relationship development got "compressed" into the time periods you could actually spend time with each other. If you could both take a step or two back and move forward slowly allowing things to unfold more naturally, that might help. Yes, you are right--people do fight and make up. The thing is - 1. you need to have developed a foundation where both parties are invested enough not to walk away at the first sign of adversity and 2. you need to find a way to express your needs/issues without it turning into conflict/confrontation.

I hope things work out for you!