What can I do now -- if anything?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
What can I do now -- if anything?
5
Sun, 11-28-2004 - 4:03pm

What is it with some men and the silent treatment? My boyfriend hasn't called or e-mailed all week and since we usually get together on the weekends, I sent him an e-mail early yesterday morning asking him what's up and then I phoned his cell and left a voice mail telling him to call me back since I was missing him and wanted to talk. I did tell him I wouldn't be home from work until late that afternoon, but it got to be around 4 p.m. and I knew I wasn't going to hear anything. I tried calling him again later in the evening, this time on his home phone and he didn't answer. I don't know what is going on.

God, is there anything worse than checking your e-mail and getting nothing and having your phone on all day and it's completely silent?

We haven't been fighting or anything else I can think of that would be causing him to ignore me. I'm really upset right now because I hate not knowing what is going on. To me that is much worse than if he would just contact me and say it's over.

I should say that we broke up in mid-May and this was exactly how it played out. He ended up e-mailing me a week later to tell me it was over. But that time, we had a major fight so it wasn't completely unexpected. This time around, we were together last weekend and had a fun time (at least I did.) No signs of trouble at all.

A few weeks after the breakup we talked and decided to give things another go. And as I said, I thought things were going really well. The only thing I can think of of why he is doing this is that he doesn't want to be with anymore.

Not that there is ever a good time for this to happen, but right now, I'm in the last two weeks of my graduate program and I have two papers to write for my courses and I can't focus at all. I just have to do it though, because I won't let anything screw up my receiving my master's degree in a few weeks time.

I feel like I've done all I can do and the ball is in his court. I'm worried that if I send him any more messages, he'll think I'm a stalker or something.

This is nothing short of emotional abuse, he knows from last time how upset this makes me and he still does it.

I'm just very hurt and emotionally drained right now. Thanks for letting me vent.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 11-28-2004 - 6:40pm

ARGH!!! I wrote out a whole long response to your post, and lost it! Grr...

Here's an attempt to recreate it:

I'm really sorry for what you're going through. Yes, you have done all you can. All you can do now is realize that he is weak, cowardly and not empathetic to your feelings for doing this to you.

You might find that thought-stopping will help you get through this busy time. You can think about him for, say, an hour in the morning and an hour at night, but in between, when you're working, if he pops into your head, stop your thoughts and force yourself to concentrate. Say something like, "no, I'm not going to think about him now, I need to work. I will think about him at 8 PM tonight" (or whatever time you've set aside). It sounds hokey, but it really works with practice!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Sun, 11-28-2004 - 7:20pm

Thanks for your advice Sheri.

I tried to do a bit of that today. I went to the library to work on one of my papers and I would do Ok for so long and then I'd find myself pulling out my phone to see if he had called, even though I knew he wouldn't. Honestly, right now I'm tempted to throw the cell phone in the trash. Why does it ring when you don't want it to and then stay completely quiet when you're so desperate to hear something?

Tonight, I'm going to work on the paper a bit more and then hunker down and watch a video.

On the positive side, the field I'm receiving my degree in, it helps a lot if you're willing to relocate since the jobs aren't plentiful in the area I live in now. I had debated what I was going to do since I wanted to stay in town and be with him, but with the change in circumstances, I'd be free to relocate. That might be just what I need right now.

Thank you again, talking about things helps me feel better. And I've lost my fair share of messages in here as well, so I feel your pain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2004
Sun, 11-28-2004 - 11:20pm
Go to a site called "love tactics', it will make you feel better!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 7:41am

If it helps, most of us here are going thru the same thing. I like your idea of throwing your cell phone away. I've thought of changing my #, just because I HATe not seeing any mesages. I've turned my phone off so I don't have to hear it not ring, but still have caller ID, so I still know he hasn't called.

My ex, is my neighbor who lives across from me. I can tell when he's home and when he's gone to see the girl he dumped me for. I keep checking for his car obcesively
and when it's not there, I get nuts.

I had planned on calling today, but got on this board to stop myself. Maybe, if I just leave him alone, he'll come back to me. But when I leave him alone and he doens't, I start wanting to call or email again.

Good luck, use this board for strength

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 11:01pm
I'm sorry to hear that this is all happening again but maybe this time there is a logical excuse....maybe he's just been busy with the holidays and all.....wishful thinking anyway. If not, I'm sure he'll tell you something soon.....I know t hat not knowing is agony and he really should be straight-forward with you. Just try and stay busy and if you need any morale support, we're here for you!! Good luck and keep us posted!!











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