What is Closure

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2005
What is Closure
6
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 9:59pm

Needed to vent again!!

So technically, I got a closure. It happened on Sunday, after struggling if i should call him, i dailed his number. He finally told me that this is a very busy time in his life, with his business and with himself. Therefore, he doesn't have time for a relationship. I should be happy right? At least, I got my closure.

But I still have so many questions unanswered. Why would he lie to me numerously. The more I dig into this, the more lies I discovered. Why couldn't he be straight with me at the beginning? What's next?? Would I ever see him again?

So what is a closure then?? I wish I could sit down with him and talk heart to heart, and get the questions answered....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 1:23am

Yes, you got your closure......he's too busy with life and full of himself and he doesn't want to date you. BUT you're not happy with that answer because you want to know all the "whys" from the beginning. You can't have those answers because he simply doesn't want to give them to you. You can't control his behavior. You can sit down for weeks and years breaking your head over this and still have no answers. That's what many women do. They can't accept that it's over and move on. Men can do it...they don't dwell over "why". They think "well, it's over with this GF so I have to get me another woman" they don't mop over memories and long for answers. They get drunk, accept it and move on. They give themselves closure.

Closure means that you accept that the relaionship is over, without asking questions that cannot be answered.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2005
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 6:54am
Thank u for the support. Right, I guess I still want to reconcile and hope things could work out - that's why I want to sit down and talk with him. I should work on acceptance in the next few days....
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 7:30am
I SO understand where you are at on the closure thing.
I had a hugely emotional affair with my husbands asst mgr. We only got together one night for kissing etc, no sex. But for 5 months we talked nightly for hours on the phone and I had some of the deepest conversations of my life with him. Then we had that night of kissing and suddenly.........nothing. He quit answering the phone when I called and never gave me a reason why. Thing is, I still see him weekly cause he works with my husband and whenever I see him he acts all happy happy joy joy like nothing is wrong. He talks to me, jokes around etc. Everyone tells me that when he kissed me, it all got "to real" for him so he backed away.
That is probably true. But I feel like he knew going into the situation who I was and that I had kids etc so WHY did he get involved with me. Its actually been a year this past June since we quit talking outside of work and I am STILL wallowing in this. Its pitiful but I find I am hurt everyday. Maybe if I never saw him it would go away but unfortunately that won't happen unless he quits his job. All I want from him is one more conversation to tell him how I felt, ask him why etc. But now he is living with some girl so I know he will never have that type of conversation with me. But all I all I feel like he is a coward for not being able to sit down with me and tell me that he can't do this etc. I have written him a letter numerous times, only to throw it out but I really, truly, just want to rip on him and tell him how I feel.
I don't know that this will ever go away, but I am hoping.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 1:19pm
yeah, i think everyone has a lot of questions when you break up with someone. why this, why that. the thing is, he probably won't be able to answer the questions and if he does, you're not going to like the answers. holding on to the questions is what's going to keep you from your closure. i think that the answers don't really matter. what matters is that the relationship is over and now you can move on. you didn't do anything wrong, it just wasn't right. you will find someone who is able to give you what you need, and you can take comfort in that. best of luck to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 3:04pm

I really think you did get your closure by him saying that he is too busy for a relationship. You are very lucky you got that, my so-called closure with my ex was him just not returning my calls after an eight month loving relationship and I am left high-n-dry without any answers at all. This happened a little over a month ago and it is still hard to accept because of the way he dumped me but I know I have to move on because this relationship is over even if there are a lot of unanswered questions.

Sometimes men can just be cowards when ending a relationship because a lot of times they have a lot going on in their heads that they can't figure out themselves.

Take sometime to yourself, hang out with friends and family, and do stuff that YOU enjoy during this healing process.

Take Care!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2005
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 7:53pm

Yeah you are right. I did get my closure. I thought I would be ready to move on as soon as I got that. But I still miss him so much right now, I am also embarrassed at myself sometimes because I still have feeling for someone who "abused" my emotions and wasted my time and dragged me along for one year. I realized that I had been making execuses for myself to see him again, until I got that - him telling me "I am too busy to date you". That was brutal.

I used to look forward to him calling me, getting together with him. But now, I may never see him again, suddenly life seems to be so empty....

What your guy did to you was horrible. Why can't some men just be straight and honest about things. It's been a month now, you don't know if you would see him again, but what matters the most is youself. Hope you'll heal soon.