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| Mon, 10-16-2006 - 6:50pm |
Hello all - thank you in advance for your response.
we have been married since may, and my wife already wants to seperate - and wants to move out and is actively looking for another apartment. (she said she wants to go find herself) Her main reason = I want "It" to much. We haven't done "It" for about 1 1/2 months. But now I am suspecting that she is sleeping with someone else ( so how does that work ? ). Because almost everytime that I ask her were she went - she gets defensive - and also gets late night calls / texts.
I let her go out with her friends because we live in her home town and i dont know any one here and we have an almost 2 year old son - so i stay at home and watch him - that way at least one of has a social life.
so my questions are : should I ask her if there is another guy????
was I to nice in letting her go out?? is that where i went wrong?
should i just let her go with no questions asked? or ask all then let her go - and await her return
thank you

Hello heart-ache and welcome to this board.
Im going to go out on a limb here and I am going to give you an advice based on a situation of two people very close to me although not me, that recently were in the same situation. I should be clear on it right away that my advice is only valid if (and if in fact there is cheating) it is a one time thing.
First of all - I would ask her straight out but a non-threatening or accusing question, like: "I have noticed that you get a lot of late night text messages. I dont want to pry into your privacy but I need to ask you if there is a connection between those messages and our separation". Dont assume anything - neither bad nor good. It could be her best friend texting her to ask if shes ok. It could be something else. When women go through a hard time in their relationship, they start communicating much more frequently and in more detail with each other. Thats not to say your hunch couldnt be right but why hurt yourself over something thats only a possibility and not yet a reality.
When she answers, whatever she answers and even if you have a gut feeling its not true, you have to take that at face value until "proven guilty". You will find out the truth in time.
If the woman wants a separation, let her go. If you truly love her you will set her free to figure things out for herself but keep the door open at all times. It could be the best thing that ever happened to you as a couple. What is not good is forcing her to stay. While she is away work hard on figuring out what went wrong in your relationship and try to work on it.
I know there are a lot of people who will really frown on my advice. A few years ago I would have been one of those people but I have seen a relationship grow away from separation and adultery and survive only to come out stronger and more solid.