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| Thu, 09-08-2005 - 12:30am |
Chris & I broke up a few months shy of two years ago. I loved him with all my heart, thought he was the one - but it turned out, he didn't feel the same way and we ended things very amicably. We have remained good friends, almost best-friend like. He is one of the closest people I know and I am the same to him. Of course with this closeness, it leads us to fooling around occasionally (we have never had sex), and it also leads us to some conflict when we get too close and then he gets scared and pulls away.
We have had a discussion after a few times of fooling around about us getting back together, but he is not ready to be in a serious relationship, he feels screwed up about his parents divorce, he wants to get his career on track first and he decided to go back to school in a city 2 hours from home. He told me (and others) that he can see himself with me long term, but right now he can't give a relationship the time and effort that I deserve - but not to wait for him to figure it out because I have to get out there too and figure out if he is really what I want.
So, he left a few days ago, and of course I am sad. It feels like I've lost my best friend. The tears came when we said goodbye, and he comforted me by telling me that we would see each other again, he was just moving a couple hours away and that I would be able to come visit him and everything would be fine. I told him that things would definately change, and thats what was making me so upset.
But, I do know that this will be good for me in the end, because now, with him gone, I should be able to finally move on and get over him. My dilemma is if I should go visit him or not. What I'd like to do is to visit soon, in the next couple weeks, and then maybe once more and then maybe not visit anymore - kinda weaning myself from him I guess. I really don't want to cut things cold turkey, because our friendship has survived an awful lot to just end it. I figure this way, we can still call ourselves friends, but we won't be close friends. Does this make any sense and is this a good idea?
Any advice is appreciated!
Thanks!

I would postphone your visits until such time as you feel you are over him completely.
You can reconnect as friends THEN. Trying to "wean" yourself doesn't work...it will just restart the time clock for the amount of "no contact" time you need to get over him.
Sheri
hi,
ahhhhhhhhhh, the beauty of young love. be glad that he's mature enough to recognize that he's not ready for a relationship and he wants to get his life in order before he settles down. clearly, this young man has a good head on his shoulders and he gave you some very sound advice. enjoy being young, and single there's alot more to life than having a boyfriend. you have the rest of your life before you could possibly think about settling down - take it sloooooooooooooooow. find out who/what you are and things you do/don't like. you'll see 10 yrs from now that the things that you liked/did when you were 20 aren't necessarly the same things that you would like/do at 40. but again, its all about experience.