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|Mon, 03-17-2014 - 9:57am|
I feel that my issues relates to many of the boards, but I thought that writing it out here would be a good start. My boyfriend, now ex, just broke up with me again last week. We've been together for 4 years and on and off the last two years.
In short, we met, things went well; then he started telling me that I was not speaking up enough and that I held back. I felt that I spoke my mind. After this began a long strong of him cheating and saying that he did it because he could not control himself in those situations. He likes provocative women and clearly I was too wholesome (his words) for him.
I stayed because I loved him but also that after each time he cheated, he always came back and said that he loved me, that he wanted to make things better. Now, looking back I feel that I lost myself in an unhealthy relationship that was not loving but manipulative. We were not in an open relationship and I found out about the cheating because his phone would be off at night or the next morning or he did not come home when we lived together. I just kept thinking that things would get better and that we could work on our problems. He proposed last year and I said no that I wanted to think about it because a few months before the proposal I found condoms in his pocket. So for me while it was nice that he proposed I did not believe that his cheating was done. We worked past that issue and stayed together. I believed that he was trying to improve and he was still open to being with me after I declined his proposal.
A year later around my birthday I put his phone on the charger and saw a message that he was on plenty of fish. A week later I was looking at an ipod he gave me (one of his old ones) and discovered porn movies he made with other women in the bed we used to share.
That was finally rock bottom for me. I felt used, disrespected, just horrible. What happened next is a surprise to me, he went from giving me space to wanting to work on things to saying that I was not sexually challenging him and that if I was more seductive that he would not work late and would be more eager to see me on time. He's always late.
So my question to this board is if anyone has experienced something similar where their man cheated and said that it happened because they were not satisfied at home. I'm confused because in the beginning he said that he could not control himself, he thought he was a sex addict. And now I feel that he's flipping the script by saying that I did not sexually satisfy him. I understand that some jabs have truth behind it. But for me I would have been so much more open to his wants if he said it before he cheated.
Now I don't see why he's not considering my feelings since I saw his home made porn movies on his ipad with other women and its like he wants me to sexually stimulate him while I feel more betrayed than ever. I feel that I am to blame because I let it last this long. My feelings changed each time he cheated and pushed me further away from being a better person in the relationship.
Overall, I feel like a loser who is too wholesome as he says and wonder if I will have the same problem with another guy or if I am so down on myself after being in a horrible situation for too long that severly affected my confidence and self esteem.
Help, opinions appreciated.