what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
what to do?
5
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 2:02pm
I understand that after a break-up you feel scattered. I'm in the healing process right now. After a two year relationship, my current ex decided to call it quits and break up with me. She called me up in December, a few days before our two year anniversary, and told me that she didn't like the way things were going and that she felt we should move on. So I go through these different phases. I was angry, confused, and sad. I tried to make things right by getting back together. Big mistake. We got back together. Had a great anniversary get together. I gave her my most meaningful gift in the two years I had known her. So then comes January. She lost her phone so we lost contact for nearly a month. We'd email each other from time to time, but it wasn't the same. In that month a few things happened. By the way, she goes to school in PA and I'm over here in NY. So anyways, she got in this 'mode' and decided to forget about me. Before she even got her phone she decided to break up with me again. This time she did it over an instant message. I thought it was heartless that she didn't even say it in my face. The reason she gave me was that " wasn't there." Dumbest mind boggling reason I've ever heard. So I go through that same mental turmoil from before and it felt worse. A few things I learned though. Don't ever try long distance relationships. And two, don't ever try to get back together after a break-up. She wanted to stay friends afterward, but I decided not to and just move on. I called her up a few times after the break-up and she was emotionless about everything. It was as if she was a whole different person. Broke my heart twice and it wasn't nice. She has the convenience of going to a dorm school where a lot of activities will help her take her mind off things. I unfortunately don't and am forced to sit in a couch when I get home from school. Although I've been doing other things to take my mind off her. She keeps saying that if we were meant to be, we would get together in the future. Yeah somebody's been reading a few fairy tales. A few times I made the mistake of speaking to her and trying to ask her why she broke up with me. That's a don't. Since then I've completely cut off all contact. Now I'm over here wondering what I should do if she ever decides to talk to me in the future. Should I ignore her or respond? How do you react to messages from your ex?



Edited 3/6/2008 2:19 pm ET by gok1025
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2007
In reply to: gok1025
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 4:40pm

Well, it sounds like you don't want to get back together with her at all. Maybe in a long time if she calls you asking to be friends, you'll be okay with that. if you truely want to move on and get over your feelings for her, don't answer he calls or texts for a while. Don't sit around on your couch, find things to do, classes to take, hang out with friends. it'll just take time to get over all of this. take care


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
In reply to: gok1025
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 5:02pm
You're totally right. They do work when both sides are positive. Point is, I've been wronged twice. Talking to her makes me feel happy and hurt at the same time. I don't want to feel that anticipation that she'll come back to me. I can't rely on that possibility if I want to move forward. She was my first love. Speak of the devil, she just messaged me! WHAT SHOULD I DO?! I'm so confused people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
In reply to: gok1025
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 6:39pm
Sorry you're going through this now. But, if I were you I would not answer her texts and other messages for awhile. If you think it's necessary, then you can reply once and tell her that you need some space and to please not contact you for awhile.
I understand that confusing feeling of happy and sad when you hear from an ex, but like you said, you need to move on. So, the best way to do that (for me, anyway) is no contact for awhile.
Good luck...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
In reply to: gok1025
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 7:16pm
Don't do it. She either doesn't understand that you are hurt or she is using you for her own emotional reasons. Either way this is a time where you need to look after yourself. Do what's right for you (and for the right reasons). Talking to her will make your open wounds sting more then they are already and will set you back in the healing process. I have been in a similar situation before and thought that I should "be strong" and be "caring" and blah blah blah .. in other words be available to my ex. This turned out to last for 2 years at my emotional expense.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
In reply to: gok1025
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 9:09pm
I'm not going to answer her. She obviously doesn't know how I feel. Thanks all for suggestions. When you're going through hell, its better to just keep going and look forward. I'm not going to prolong my healing process by answering her messages.