What to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
What to do?
1
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 12:50pm

I know this board is really for people who have been broken up with, but maybe you guys have some advice for me?

Hi, I'm new to this board. I have a confusing situation, but I'll try to make it short and sweet. Here goes...

My b/f & I have been together for 20 months. There is an eight year age difference. Me being the younger. We have been living together for 9 months. Our relationship was great at first and I know the "shine" doesn't last forever. We have talked about getting married one day and having kids. However, I am in college to be a nurse and he is not making much of an effort to do anything with his life. He was working a good (though very hard) job that offered benefits and such. He quit a few weeks ago. He was working another job as a pizza delivery driver along with that job. Now he works there full time. He says he is gonig to get another job soon, but I'm not sure if I believe him. He refuses to go back to school even though I tell him these days you can't get a decent job without an education. He gets mad when I bring up him finding another job, going back to school etc. (He dropped out of HS in the 9th grade and got his GED.)

He also has several thousand in credit card debt and makes no effort to pay it off. He doesn't like for me to bring that up either. I don't think he has ever sent a payment. He also plays this online card game and while I have no problem with playing games, he spends money on these games. He has spent almost $100 on this game. It's one where you can buy more cards or something like that. Anyway he started doing this right around the time of my birthday. He ended up taking me to breakfast (only because I brought up the fact that we never go out) and buying me one season of my fav tv show on dvd for my birthday. He claimed he could not get me more because he was so broke. Now I really liked my gift, don't get me wrong. It's not the fact of how much money he spent on me, it's more of he said he could only spend that much because he was so broke. Broke from spending so much money on this game. He did this knowing that I always try to get him a nice gift. For his birthday I got him a flat screen monitor for his computer and some knick knack thing for his PS2 that I got him for Christmas.

He also started smoking again a few months ago. I quit a year and a half ago. He always has bad breath and he stinks when he comes back in from smoking. And sometimes for whatever reason he feels the need to smother me with kisses. I can't stand it. I don't even like to be "smothered" with kisses when he hasn't smoked.

I'm also not sexually attracted to him anymore. This could be from my birth control ro it could be because of past sex abuse issues that are just now being brought up. I'm not sure what it's from. I find myself having crushes on other men, thinking about past "flings", and thinking sexual things about them. And I know that's a terrible thing to say (and think) but it's the truth.

He also stays out pretty late. He tells me he goes to his mom's and I believe him. (Two of his three brothers still live there; ages 26 & 32). But he never comes to bed at the same time I do and I've said something about it to him, but he still doesn't do it. We never go out because he's always broke. When we do go out, I usually pay for it. I'm sick of that. I want to be the one that it wined and dined for once. I'm tired of giving and giving and recieving very little in return. What should I do? Am I just being selfish?

FYI I'm 19 and he is 27. Sometimes I wish I wasn't "pratically married" and I could live a normal 19 year old college students life. I have no friends. He doesn't want me to have guy friends, so we agreed to not have opposite sex friends. Anyway any input would be fabulous! Thanks bunches!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
In reply to: j_nurse2b
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 4:58pm

Honesty, I think you are waaaay to good for him. A friend of mine got caught up with the same type of guy. She, too, was a nurse. She married him and it lasted a few years and she divorced him because he just wasn't the guy for her. He just kept bringing her down and I see this with you , too. You have a lot to offer and you are going to have a great career! I would get rid of him and move on. If this is the way he is going to treat you when you are dating, just imagine how you will be neglected once you get married. Now is the time he should be charming the socks off of you. I see no redeemable qualities in this man except for he is there ("stability").

Anyway, I think you can do better. Set your sights higher. Save your fabulous self for someone who can treat you like a queen! You deserve it!!