what to do after you've broken nc?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
what to do after you've broken nc?
5
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 3:10pm
So i broke no contact. I had an unrelated crisis a few days after we broke up and ended up calling her, we talked and she called me the following day to check up on me, and i should have left it at that but mid week I had a lapse of judgment and texted with her. Now I will get very random texts and then after a text or two she will just arbitrally stop texting with me. I do know that i want to be friends with her in the future and i don't want to make a huge deal about it because i originally started the contact and i'm sure it is no big deal to her. What should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 3:24pm
First, ask yourself, are you really over her and the breakup? If the answer is no to both, then you have to stop contact, until you are completely healed and over her. Trust me, it's the only way to move on and fully recover. Once you 100% healed, then you may resume contact, but you may not want to do that or be friends, but when that time comes, your in total control, and whatever decision you make, will not affect you. But it appears you still care and not over her, and just having any type of contact, will only delay your process to be over the relationship. We have all been there, and it hurts, but you got to be fully over the person before any type of relationship can begin. Good Luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 5:50pm
thanks for the reply. I've been doing better recently and haven't been the one to initiate contact. I just have a hard time not responding to her and don't want to make a huge deal about her not contacting me.(i guess i want to give the illusion that i'm just as fine as she is with everything)but i definitely realize that it sets me back. If it keeps up I'll guess I'll have to let her know. thanks again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 9:34am
so she called me yesterday after she knew i'd be asleep and left a message just asking how i was doing and told me to call her. do i have the no contact talk with her or just let her think i'm ignoring her?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 10:52am

Do you want to be friends with her afterwards? Most people know in their gut whether they do or do not want someone as a friend, so 'fess up. If you do want her as a friend, call her and say, 'hey, you know what, I need a little more time. I'll call you when I'm ready.' If you don't want her as a friend, you'll play games and ignore her. Ignoring someone *is* a game and I wouldn't suggest it in your situation because you *are* the one who started the contact, so what's she supposed to think? Make your decision and act accordingly.

Simple. Not easy, simple.

Good luck,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 5:15pm
thank you, your message made total sense. i called and left a message and surprisingly i already feel somewhat relieved. the whole will she/won't she, when will she contact me train of thought has diminished. I guess to an outsider it was a completely obvious thing to do. now i just need to follow through. thanks again.