What to do at the end?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2003
What to do at the end?
1
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 5:44am

Ok here goes....
Ive been going out with this guy for 5 months, everything was going well, there were however two aspects of his past that i feel affected him and our relatiosnhip one was that didnt have a great relationship with his father he didnt confide in me much about it but he told me once that the most he ever got out of his father was a handshake! and that i think perhaps his father was quite cold. The other aspect was his girlfriend before me, theyd been broken up for a year had cheated on him and actually ended up going out with this other guy. I dont know whether that was all as a result of him being so closed and almost unemotional that she went and cheated i dont know.
With me he would become defensive and almost angry with me if i asked him questions about his life or him sometimes, not always sometimes it was great but that was a dampener on things, but me being female thought id wait it out for a bit as surely things can only get better! What a waste of time!
We are both in the final year of university and are both looking to move to the same city, hes moving mid july and im moving mid september. Anyway in the past few weeks it seemed like we had drifted apart, we talked every day on the phone but he'd been here there and everywhere having job interviews and trying to sort accomadation for next year etc. In that time though we still texted adn called one another and i even met his brother. I knew that he was moving away before me and when we did talk about it briefly i said "so i guess we'll see each other at weekends" and he said "yeh i guess so".
That was two weeks ago, tuesday of this week just gone, he ended it. I knew that in the past few weeks things had been hard because we'd not seen each other, but i also knew that relationships are up and down and that hopefully once we saw each other again things would get better. So on tuesday we arranged to meet up and we went fora really nice walk and then back to his friends house who cooked us all dinner, two weeks ago everything seemed fine he said he cared for me, i was meeting and going out with his friends etc etc, anyway back in his room that night he said to me first of all its as if he didnt want to say anything then when i pushed the issue he said someting along the lines of "Been thinking about the future, im moving to london im not going to be here anymore and the weekends im going to need to see my new work collegues and friends, ive done the weekend thing before and i dont think i want to do it" i was shocked! totally shocked! I said to him can you not wait two months! as then i would be in the same place as him and he replied "in the past few weeks we've drifted apart and even if it wasnt for the london thing i dont think i would want to carry it on" which was true we had drifted apart, but hed been going to job interviews! and up until that day we were stilll both making the effort! calling and texting every day! i dont understand.
He then said "so what are we gong to do now" or something to that effect and i stood up and said "we are not going to do anything you have just made the we bit perfectly clear, i am going to go home now and cry, i will probably cry tomorrow and the next day im then going to write my diary talk to my best friends, and then in months time pick myself having rebuilt my trust, and think of you as just a blip in the radar" and that seemed to be the only thing that he reacted to he said "do you really think im one of those guys" I didnt reply. Left the room with my last words being "obviously we never knew each other, you obviously never knew me" I was so shocked i sounded like a babbling madwoman but i didnt know how else to react!

He wanted to walk me home but i didnt let him, i sent him a text message when i got in saying "Just wanted to let you know i got in ok, sorry for leaving like that was just floudering i guess, bit numb. Have written an email, more cathartic than anything else will send tomorrow as my way of dealing or whatever word it is people use in situations like this" He replied saying "Thanks for letting me know you got home ok, send me your email and il reply to it".
I have written him an email, in my opinion a rather good one, but im in two minds as to whether to send it. Im incredibly upset becasue i feel like what more could i have done. Obviously he didnt care about me enough to make the effort and im unsure as to what to do now. Im also upset because i feel that he made me look a bit of a fool, a week ago he was allowing me to play the girlfriend role whilst i met his brother!
He is still going to be in the same town as me living ironically enough on the road opposite mine, our houses back onto each ohter almost, for the next month and i dont know how to react now. Its now friday, three days have passed, i havent sent the email and he hasnt contacted me and it feels a bit strange as we used to talk everyday but i do think its getting easier. I do still miss him or whether its just the daily phonecalls and familiarity i miss im not sure.
In the email im not bitter, im humourous, matter of fact, but i get my point across that hes been a bit of a cretin! I do think though that im being a little bit "nice" in it perhaps, i end it saying u know "i am hurt and upset and these are the reasons why blah blah but u havent dont anything wrong but not pick me blah blah". Im just wondering, Do i send the email? If i send it will it achieve anything? Writing it has helped me immensely but whether sending it will help any im not sure, he said that hed reply and i honestly think he will but what am i going to actuall achieve out of sending it? is the best revenge silence?!
Sorry for the rather long waffle! Just wanted to get any feedback on the situation.
T x

Avatar for deneeecie
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 1:16pm

Unfortunately - you don't send the email.

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