What do I do??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2007
What do I do??
2
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 9:58am
I have been dating a wonderful man for the past 9 months. Our relationship has been great, and (I thought) had been steadily progressing. My boyfriend had purchased an engagement ring back in October but had been waiting to give it to me (we're both young 21 & 22). He's been really hinting around recently that the proposal was coming up soon. I went to spend the weekend with him for his birthday (we're an hour apart) and things seemed great.. he said things were great between us and even told me he was getting ready to propose. I left late Sunday and he seemed fine. I just never heard from him on Monday.
I tried calling all day Monday because I was worried. He called early Tuesday & said that he needed some time. I was lost because things have seemed so great between us. For example, I am applying to Nursing School (which I have been told is very time consuming). I told him my concerns about it being time consuming & how I wanted very much to make things work with him. He said that he had been concerned too about it, but told me that "Even if I tried to get rid of him, he wouldn't be able to walk away." He recently gave me his spare truck key, and has been planning on moving to the town I live in & changing jobs so that he could be closer.
I have tried to give him his space, and the 2 times I've tried calling, I got his voicemail. His family is really upset because he's been talking to them about proposing to me too. I talked to his sister, and she said the only thing he's said is that he wants his "freedom." I don't know if he's got cold feet or what, and it's really taking a toll on me. I know we're both young, but we were planning on waiting until I was done with school to get married. This just doesn't seem like him at all. He does have a tendency to want to be controlling, but I've never given in to him. For example, he's wanted us to move in together, but my parents don't agree (for religious purposes). Currently, (since I'm in school), they pay for everything for me; therefore, I've tried to explain to him that I'm trying to respect their wishes. Usually when this situation has come up, he lets it go.
He's continually done things to show how much he cares for me, and has been very respectful. I've never had to worry about him running around on me or anything, because he's wanted to spend all of his time with me. I guess that's why I don't know where to turn, because although his not calling right now isn't fair to me.. I love him with all my heart, and just really don't know what's going on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mlss11
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 1:44am

miss11...

It's only a guess on Pianoguy's part....but PG is wondering if you're LOVING HIM or SMOTHERING HIM? Both of these have a tendency to happen when relationships get too intense too quickly.

His parents and family might feel that he's "throwing his life away" by proposing marriage at such an early age? . Their issues might involve you, but they're probably being MORE PROTECTIVE OF THEIR LITTLE BOY...at least where his future is concerned?

Why not take the Summer off with a time-out? Or at least an agreement that the topic of marriage isn't going to be discussed until late September or early October? A lot can change once the pressure is off!

Best wishes and warm thoughts...

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
In reply to: mlss11
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 12:55am

By my fingers, he bought the ring around three months into the relationship. Maybe he spoke too soon. Really, it happens. Irresponsible, but it happens.

Question for you: If you weren't going to be getting married soon anyway, does it really matter if he gives you the ring now? This one's a harder question: If in your heart you ultimately feel you're supposed to be together, does it matter right this second if it's engaged or still getting to know each other?

My suggestion is similar to PG's: take a step back, let this happen, apply to your school, and let things unfold as they will. Secret: They're going to anyway, so you may as well not fight against it since you have no idea how it wlll all come about.

Best,

Myspace CodesMyspace Text Generator, Myspace GraphicsMyspace Codes, Myspace GraphicsMyspace, Myspace CodesMyspace Codes, Myspace GraphicsMyspace Codes, Myspace Graphics

Myspace Codes