what do I do ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
what do I do ?
5
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 2:23pm
A little over a month ago , my boyfriend , of almost 2 years, came to me and told me we needed to take some time off , he just lost his grandmother , his son was having health issues and his ex wife was finally filing for divorce after 2 years of seperation... well, soon after she realized he was fine with the divorce , she decided that she would like to start counceling , to see if there was anything there between them, because of their 2 year old son... I have done everything for this man , and he knows it , I think that is why he is still trying to hold onto me too ... I am hoping he will see what she is doing ... Please someone give me some advise , I just wish I didn't love him like I do ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 2:33pm

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. That has to be rough, especially after 2 years.

I'm probably not the greatest person to give anyone 'love' or 'relationship' advice. But, the only advice I can give you is this: give him his space. He will only decide to come back to you if it's what HE wants. No amount of calling, emailing, pressuring, whining, crying or praying will do it. Hopefully he'll see what his soon-to-be-ex is doing and will decide not to get caught up in that web of deceit. But, if he doesn't, you still have to be strong enough to move on for yourself, with or without him.

I would recommend reading "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken" by Greg & Amiira Behrendt. I read it, loved it, and bought a copy. It truly helped me in a lot of ways...I'm re-reading it now because I'm going through some tough times myself.

Good luck and hang in there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 2:51pm
thank you , I am trying to give him space now , and that's why whenever I want to reach out to him I reach out to someone else, I thought it might be healthy to get on here to reach out to others like me ... I read your story , and I have done some of the same things u were saying , like letting him come back for the night , and that just made me more crazy , I guess I thought it would bring us back together... Sometimes I just want to call or email him to let him know "hey, i am still here , I am still in love with you"
I am doing my best, and right now that's good , i guess . I will try that book , thanks for the suggestion!!! i enjoyed this , feel free to comment some more, I need it... it's not easy when you thought you were going to marry this person , and who you thought was your soul mate...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 4:06pm

Hi mom_lonelylady,


If he's allowing her to manipulate him, there isn't much you can do. In two years, he really hasn't healed from that relationship, he just jumped from marriage to a new relationship taking no time to heal, deal with his feelings, deal with her, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 4:40pm
I always had my doubts that he was ever really over her , I kept asking if he was sure , and he just said I love you now , and that he was , and yes , that was one of our things when all of this happened , we really didn't start things out right ,not waiting til the divorce , he said I was so good to him during his breakup with her , I was always there for him no matter what, I hate to see her hurt him that way again , but, should I even let him come back??? I have 3 kids , I have to worry about them... I don't want to be consumed by this , it would help if we had fought alot , but , we didn't ...I just feel like our timing was horrible... I just wonder if there is any reason to hope , he just seems confused when I was talking to him , the last time I talked to him was thursday , and I told him I wouldn't be calling him , if he wanted to talk he could contact me , but , I think he seen how this effecting me... It is just torture ,wondering does he miss me, think of me ,does he still love me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 5:05pm

I'm going to write a book about this "wondering does he miss me, think of me " LOL


Of course he thinks about you and probably misses you.