What do I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
What do I do?
4
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 8:52pm

Ok, so I took your advice and I have spent the past two days composing a letter to my husband. I wrote yesterday, and spent the morning today revising and rewriting. The letter is two and a half pages. Now, I'm not sure if I should mail it to him now, or if I should wait a couple of weeks.

I have sent him two emails since he and I spoke Friday night. He said I could email or call when I wanted to, so I've tried. The first email was a short note with pictures of our cats since he asked about them. The 2nd email yesterday was an egreeting that said sending a smile your way. I wrote him a note asking about how his classes were going, asking how his day at work was since we have state testing all week, and the days are really long and boring. I told him that I hoped he was doing better, and that he needs to take care of himself. Then I said he could write back if he wanted, but I understood if he didn't. I know he got it, because I got the confirmation email that says he picked up the card, but he didn't write back. So I don't know what to do.

I figure I must be pushing too much since there is no response from him. I kind of want to wait to mail the letter, but then again I want to see if he'll respond to this. I feel that if he responds to the letter in any way, then I know that I can contact him over spring break. If I don't hear from him, then I won't bother him over spring break. I'll try to leave him alone and give him another month.

It's been one month today since the first time he left; one month since my 30th birthday.

Any insight on what I should do? I do have to mail him something regardless because his auto insurance bill came in the mail here today, and it is due in 2 weeks. I can either mail it with this letter, or I can put it in innerschool mail so he'll get it tomorrow.

Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
In reply to: mberber2005
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 12:08am

Hi,

Sorry to hear you going through a tough time with your husband. It sounds like you have sent him two emails very recently. Sending a letter now may be too much for him right now. I would suggest waiting two weeks and absolutely no contact initiated on your part during this time.

In two weeks, if this is a letter that you wish to send then send it. As for the auto insurance bill; simply forward it to him without added messages, etc. attached to it. This allows him time to digest what has happened and time to start realizing what and how he misses you. The key to repairing things with guys is to give them time to dwell in their caves and finally surface once they realize what you mean to them. He married you and guys do not simply marry girls that they do not love. He needs space and time to see this for himself because men truly do hate being without us. However, they hate it even more if we are chasing after them or crowded their alone space (especially when they are healing their own wounds).

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
In reply to: mberber2005
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 8:15am
Thanks for your response. I will leave him be. I'll mail the letter in exactly 2 weeks so that way he gets it right at the beginning of Spring Break. And I'll leave it at that. If he contacts me, then great. If not, I'll wait for Easter to try again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
In reply to: mberber2005
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 10:08pm

Well, I did put the insurance in innerschool mail this morning, so he should have received it today or at least tomorrow. The letter is sitting on the desk here. I'm trying to wait.

I did email him tonight though. I remembered about another bill (money owed on an apt. lease we broke a year and a half ago) and I needed to know when it was due. He wrote back and said it was due on the 15th (nice of him to tell me), and that he'll mail me $50 (half). I wrote him back and asked him how much was left on it, when was the last time he received an updated statement, etc. Then I told him that I don't need his money since I am the reason we had to break the lease (for a new job in a new city).

I probably shouldn't have wrote that last comment, but I am tired of him acting like I only contact him for money. But then again, he's paying the entire cell phone bill instead of cutting me off, so if I pay all of this it makes us even. I didn't write him because I wanted him to pay it. I had questions. I don't want them to take us to court, or his dad to court since he was the guarantor on the apt. years ago.

I don't get him. He does things to sever all ties, but then says I can email/call when I want but then doesn't respond most of the time. Then he wants to keep contact by sending me a check for a lousy $50 a month for 1 bill when he wouldn't accept the same from me a week ago when I offered about the phone bill. HE IS SO FRUSTRATING!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
In reply to: mberber2005
Fri, 02-23-2007 - 11:03pm
I have a feeling that you will be fine through this. I know it is hard. I just left my fiancee today after he cheated on me/ our relationship. Just as you have gain strength, I know that I will in time as well.