What do I do?!
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| Thu, 07-14-2005 - 6:22pm |
So, it's been almost 4 weeks since my ex broke up with me. The reason he gave me when he said his final goodbye was that "our relationship just isn't fun anymore...it just doesn't feel the same as it used to...".
I haven't spoken to him since the day we broke up nor has either of us tried to contact one another. He is dating someone (already :( ) and I'm very hurt by that....My question is this though: Should I contact him to find out what happened? I think that a month is substantial time for him to have thought things through about why he did what he did, and don't I deserve to know what made him feel differently?
I know that it may set me back, as I'm doing "okay" right now (hurting a lot inside, but managing to make it through the day with minimal visible tears....just lots of internal ones), but will I ever truly be able to move on if I don't know what it is that caused our relationship to seem so "different" to him?
What do I do?!

Hi
I think you should let it go. What if he says something really mean. He may say something truthful but mean, he may lie, or he may say something that really does not make any sense anyway. It is a can of worms, and I don’t think you really want to hear something unpleasant. He already hurt you enough, he didn’t care about you enough, and that is all that matters, b/c you deserve someone better.
Why do you want to know? To get closure, well, will you really get it if he says something really mean? Will you think, hey I am better off without him, or will you try to prove to him his reasons for the break up are wrong?
It ended b/c of him, not you, and no matter what he says to you, you may always feel crappy about it, b/c no one wants to get dumped. Let him go, it’s his choice, and his reasons are probably hurtful, b/c he left one of the nicest people around. It’s his loss!
Take care of yourself.
No, never contact him.
Never.
Your closure comes from within, not from him. Asking him questions will appear that you're begging.
No contact. Ever.
Oh my gosh! I'm going through almost the exact same thing! My boyfriend of 2 years and 2 and a 1/2 months broke up with me on June 4th, his excuse was he "fell out of love with me" I totaly don't buy it! He said he wanted to marry me on April 9th but he just didn't know when and we got a house together that is being built as we speek (too bad he gets it). I'm sure your in the same boat. It seems the answer he gave you isn't good enough. You sound like you were blindsided just as I was, and I can totaly see where you would want to talk to him and ask some quesitons. The two other posts say don't do it, but I'm not sure what to think, I think only you can know. I've been thinking about contacting my ex because right after he broke up with me, he left the house like a coward. I could tell he wasn't 100% sure of his choice to leave me. I have an excuse to talk to him, I signed some loan papers on the house that I need to back out of before the house is done being built, then I'm going to sneek in some questions. I say think about contacting him for a little while longer, and if you really feel that you need some answers I say "what's their to loose"?. Right now I'm in your boat, I can get through everyday, but not a day goes by where I don't miss him and am tore up about how things ended. I mean, if your anything like me your going through all of these things in your head about what you did wrong, or how come this happened, and it seems the pain will never go away. I feel it too. If you need someone to talk to you can e-mail me at Lambchop_13@hotmail.com and we could help eachother get through this time. I hope my ramblings helped a little. Just know your not alone, and though our situations are different in some ways, I know how you feel because we both lost someone we love(d) about a month ago. Take care of yourself.
-Katie
Hello!
I read your other post about when you saw your ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. I know EXACTLY what you are going through right now! It seems like almost everyone here can relate to you, so at least you're not alone!
Me and my ex were together for almost 5 years. I was his first girlfriend and he was my first serious boyfriend. I thought we had a bond that could never be broken. Well, he moved away to go to graduate school, and he met someone up there and left me for her. Our break up happened in March, and I still think about my ex everyday! I hate it because it hurts!
After the break up, we still talked to each other over the phone. This gave me the chance to ask him all these questions I had about why he had to leave me. Just like you, I felt the urge to ask him what did I do wrong? I didn't want to make the same mistakes again in my next relationship! So, he told me. I wasn't affectionate enough, or supportive enough and he thought that I took him for granted! When I heard this, I apologized sooo much, even though I didn't totally see his point of view, because I was secretly hoping that he would take me back. He basically said that it's too late now. He's in a committed relationship with this new girl.
So, I just ended up hurting myself by asking him these questions. It seemed like I was begging him to take me back, and he refused. So, if you ask your ex why he chose to break up with you, you might end up feeling even more hurt and confused than you already are.
When I read your other post, this sentence reminded me of what I'm currently thinking: "I just can't shake the feeling that she has something I don't. I did everything I could on my end to ensure that we had a great relationship....but I've been replaced already." I feel the exact same way! I feel like my ex replaced me for someone "better." I thought I meant something to him! But she is not "better" than me! And I don't want you to think that way, either! I'm positive that you are a great person with lots to offer the right guy who will love everything about you and will want to be with you for the rest of his life! The right guy will not want to seek a "replacement" so soon. The right guy will want to work at making the relationship last because he wants to be with no one else but YOU! :)
Sorry for my ramblings! To answer your question, I don't think you should contact your ex. You'll probably just end up regretting your past actions in the relationship, just like I did. But, no matter what the reasons are, it's not your fault he ended it. You probably did nothing wrong to begin with! Like me, you might drive yourself crazy thinking "if only I had done this differently" and so on. It's not worth it to ask. He was simply not the right guy for you!
I hope I've been helpful somewhat! If you need some additional support right now, you can email me at cutetika@aol.com!