What do I do? Break up or Stay?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
What do I do? Break up or Stay?
2
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 2:21pm
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. The first 2 years his ex girlfriend called occasionally. I would see her name pop on the phone and ask him about it but he said he doesn't talk to her. I didn't like it but I tried to believe it was just that. Fast forward to another night when we were on our way home from a bar and he gets a call. the conversation sounds like he is talking to an old friend and they are catching up. It didn't feel right but I waited till he got off the phone and asked who it was. He said it was his brother and left it at that. We got home I went thru his phone. I woke him up and told him I didn't believe him. So he fessed up and said it was an old girl friend who lives in another state and they are just friends. Pissed me off that he lied and that she's calling and he's not telling me about it. There were a few innocent text messages in there from him to her and her to him. Saying good morning, etc. No concrete proof, but the jealous seed was planted and I started going thru his phone. I would see that she and the ex still called occasionally. The phone log doesn't indicate who called who, but just that the call was made. I see another text from the ex asking why he drove by her house and his response was I guess I still think of you. I asked him about this one and he said he was dropping off some stuff at her house that he found in his basement from 2 years earlier..Still sounds fishy to me!! I break up with him and eventually get back together on the basis that we be honest to eachother. He says he will delete their numbers and I promise not to go thru his phone. Fast forward 4 months and things have been going okay. I had a relapse a few days ago and went thru his phone and found 2 phone calls to or from a person named Steph. I checked his text messages and there was one from her that said, guess your sleeping...sweet dreams. I ask him who this is and he said it was someone he use to work with and he ran into a few weeks earlier. This is a totally different girl, I knew nothing about. He says he has done nothing wrong. But why would this girl wish my boyfriend sweet dreams. I was wrong to snoop again, but he was wrong to hide this one from me too. .we broke up a few weeks ago....he begged me back and I went back. trying to be strong, but it's hard. a few nights ago, I found out he had a myspace page. there are no friends or blogs visible, but he does list himself as single, looking for dating, serious relationships, friends and networking. he signed up for that 6 months ago, we'd been together for 2 1/2 years. I asked him specifically before I called him on it if he had ever been on myspace and he said no, never been on there. so he lied and then signed himself up as single....& looking. needless to say, we broke up again. I'm trying to be strong and make it for good this time, but it's hard. I'm not taking his calls, emails. he is very distraught. he has removed his page and said it was before we were together, but it shows the sign up date and it was 6 months ago. I know this is all very highschool and I'm trying to be as adult about this as my vulnerable ego can handle right now. Just looking for insight on how to go forward. I love him but this is just wrong!! He has stuff at my house and I have to make arrangements for him to get it, but I just can't handle seeing him right now. I'm alone in this city and I have few friends but no family around to help me out. He just is so good in throwing out the excuses and reasons for all his actions that I start doubting myself thinking it's all me. I'm so turned around. I just need insight my situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 3:23pm

Welcome to the board sudsygirl,


If you are going to try and save the relationship, ask if he will go to counseling with you and get all the issues on the table.


If you know he lies and you don't trust him, then there is no point being in the relationship.


People do what they want to do because they want to do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 5:48pm
If he has repeatedly proven himself to not be trustworthy, then why would you want to be with somebody like that who is going to upset you every couple of months? It sounds like you would have MORE stress with him in your life than without. It'll only get worse. You could let it run it's course, and when you don't cry anymore in situations where you normally would, then you know it's done. That's what I've recently done. It's a less painful transition, but you waste a lot of time!