What do I do? Does he like me...or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
What do I do? Does he like me...or not?
2
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 12:09am
Okay...so my boyfriend of 1 week short of a year broke up with me about 1 week ago. He said we fought too much and I was whiny, needy, and clingy. Now I may sound like a very annoying person, but let me explain. My boyfriend, lets call him Ken, always looked at other girls and would say to me 'She's so fine' He always talked about how fine other girls were and he wouldn't say that I was fine. Then, all of these girls would be all over him (some would kiss him) and he wouldn't do anything about it. He talked about getting off to porn and he'd be like 'i just jacked off to porn for the 2nd time today' That would piss me off cause I didn't wanna hear about it. The worst thing was he would talk about how my sister was so fine and he would make comments about her and him. As you can see, I had a reason to be whatever it was that i was.
Here comes the confusing part though: I still have to see him everyday and he hugs me and picks me up everyday. The day after he broke up with me he called me and he's called every single night. He says I love you, but not in the same way anymore. He tells me how sexy I am and how I have the best body. Everytime we hang up he says 'I love you pookie' and my heart drops. I think maybe there's a chance, but I'm not sure.
How does he feel, because I sure don't know. And, I know it's pathetic, but do you have any advice for getting him back? Help me figure him out!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 7:56am

The answer is simple. The only way to get him back is to find your dignity and put your foot down. You are treated with disrespect because he knows he can get away with it -- early on in the relationship he established how much you would put up with and he pushes you that far and you let him. You need to stop letting him push your buttons, just pretend it doesn't bother you when he does all these other things. Stop showing jealousy and I guarantee he'll stop playing all these games. He's doing it because it makes him feel better that you get all wound up about it. But what you need to ask yourself is, why do you want to be with this guy? Is this really the way you want to spend the rest of your life, with a man who treats you like this?

Steph

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 9:00am

I agree with Steph. Before you think about how to get him back or if he likes you, you need to figure out why it is you want to be with someone who treats you this way. Obviously, you deserve much better! Believe it or not, there are a lot of guys out there, that will go out with a woman and focus ONLY on the woman they are out with.

Honestly, I think this guy has some self-esteem issues himself and he is getting a boost out of making you feel jealous. I don't know if he really cares for you or if he just likes being with you because of the ego boost it gives him. Nonetheless, he does those things because it works for him; you react just the way he wants you to. If, instead, you didn't have any reaction to that bad behavior, or even better, if you said "I don't have to put up with this" and left, you might get him to change.

At the end of the day though, your goal probably should not be getting him to change, but should be about understanding yourself and why you put up with this behavior for so long. I'm sure you're sick of hearing this (I know I was), but you can do better. There are men who want relationships and give 100% to the relationship the way us women tend to.

I'm sorry I didn't really answer your questions, but I'm sure you will figure out what the right thing to do for you is soon.

-Nikki
co-cl of Breaking Up is Hard to Do!
Visit the Breaking Up is Hard to Do web page!

Nikki