WHAT DO I DO. i cant stop crying
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| Wed, 11-02-2005 - 10:57pm |
i cant do it.
me and my boyfriend of 2 years (est 9-10-03) just broke up. weve broken up like 4 or 5 times before on and off. but this time i think its real. and its all his fault and i wouldnt say that if it wasnt.
lately we havent been able to see eachother because we both dont have cars.
so we really just talk on the phone alot and talk through our yahoo email account.
so yesterday nov.1 2005
i called him and asked him to go to a movie with me. he was like ok cool.
two hours go by he still hasnt called. so i called him.
hes like i dont want to go to the movie i want to have sex.
im like, but we never spend time together and it would be fun to go with you. hes still talking about me giving him some (sex)
it was horrible. i felt so much pain inside by him kept saying that.
weird because ive only had sex with him 2 times in the 2 years. and the first tiem i lost my virginity to him i got pregnant (abortion). and this is all recent stuff. so it hurts ALOT.
i just cant stop crying right now. my keyboard is wet and i seeing blurry.
they wont stop coming out.
but anyways, i wrote him in our email because the last time i talked to him on the phone i hung up on him after he told me he wasnt going with me.
so my best friend called him and was trying to talk him and tell him how mad i was. and he hung up on her.
i didnt go to movies with my friend and her boyfriend. i stayed home and cryed on my pillow.
today, this morning nov.2
my best friend tells me he called her cell phone 3 times and left a message.
i didnt call him back.
but in the email i just wrote to him, i couldnt take how he talked to me and stuff and i told him it wa s embarressing to me my friend and my mom how he treats me.
because i know they all see im hurt and they ALl know what i just went through with him (the abortion)
ANYWAYS.. he wrote back, he cant take me going through these emotions.. blah blah and he said, "i dont know if your saying its over but i am. i cant too much of this stuff.)
im like. what stuff?? when hes the one who started it.
im just really hurt and stressed by this whole situation.
what do i do ???

I am sorry your heart is aching. You have a lot of history with this man, both joyful and sorrowful. It's clear you are both young. First of all I want to say, I truly know the pain. When I was much younger I gave so much of myself to all the men I dated..and well it took me a LONG time to figure it out. Come here often and read and post..you will learn a lot.
If you want this relationship to end well, please heed the good sound advice here. If you want to suffer more, get dragged through the mud and be humilated, go have sex with him and stay with this young man. You will not reap any benefits but you may feel better for a moment..It's like a drug. You get a quick fix but it is meaningless.
First of all read: It's called a Break Up Because it is Broken. It's a really sensible read. Easy too and fairly cheap. Or the library can get it for you for a loan.
Seek out friends. They are important for support. Find one who you can trust.
Get out and avoid alcohol and other destructive avenues to avoid pain. Maybe go away to see a friend.
DO NOT CALL OR SEE OR TEXT OR EMAIL HIM. Anytime you do it sets u back. Tell him one time that you are going to take some time off from communication.
STOP ANY DRAMA..
If you can start HEALTHY patterns now you will save your heart and head MUCH grief.
I suggest some counseling to put closure on the abortion. You made a painful choice but one that was right at that time in your life. Sadly the man you made the choice with is no more in your life. That is a sad truth but a man who wants you for sex only is BAD NEWS. This is sad...I am sorry darling.
but one thing i do need to stop is emailing back and forth with him.
its never nothing positive but we are still communicationg.. weird because now hes checking hte emails 2-3 times a day when we were together he rarely went to it.
I understand..each email is a charge..we become so needy at times like this..my ex and I love each other..I miss him desperately. Each time I go on a date (casual dates as a result of a dating site) I come home lonely for my ex. But we split. There were problems. It's better to end it when it's left with love and positive feelings vs terrible turmoil and betrayal.
Make a pact NOT to email each other..do what I HAD to do: block his IM's and delete and empty the trash BEFORE reading the emails..it is very difficult but empowering..otherwise the emails will not stop..I KNOW..been there..
... im already meeting new people nd i still have him in my mind... but im think im really strong after all i ve been thru with him in the past 2yrs
Hard is putting it mildly..it is grueling and agonizing..
Listen, more words of wisdom as if you haven't had enough. If you do date, keep it light. Date a few men, so you will not risk becoming intimate too soon. Keep it casual dating...otherwise you risk rebounding and those relationships never last..and most of all, it isnt fair to the other guy.
My ex husband was a rebound relationship. After the emotions lifted and I saw him for who he was, I knew he was NOT the one but felt such guilt leaving him...so eventually married him...it was a mistake.
I am sharing so you can learn from my mistakes..I hope u can...