what do i say to him?
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what do i say to him?
| Sat, 04-29-2006 - 12:34pm |
My ex and I recently broke up (about a month ago) after 1.5 years. It was a very amicable break up - we just decided we were going in different directions. We decided we were going to be friends, although I wasn't sure how it was going to work out since we still loved each other. We both knew that there would be problems if one of us found someone else, but we decided to deal with that when it came up. Over the next few weeks I became very busy with school work and finals and I barely had time to see him, but we spoke on the phone almost everyday. Since I wasn't around much he started taking trips to see old friends of his and while there met a girl that he has been keeping in touch with the last few weeks. This weekend she drove all the way here to visit him and she's staying at his apartment. He told me about this and we got into a big argument. He said they were just friends, but u know..... I was wondering how he could do this and told him I was hurt that his sheets had cooled off so quickly. It was almost like he was throwing it in my face. This was so uncharacteristic of him. Finally I realized what was going on. I was so busy that I didn't have time to think about the break up and realize that he was alone and hurting. I should have seen it. He probably thought that I didn't care and this is his way of getting me to feel the pain of the break up.
My question is, how do I talk to him about this? How do I bring it up so that we can get through this like adults instead of the high school games he seems to be playing? I want him to know that just because I have been wrapped up in final exams doesn't mean I don't care and that I'm not hurting too.
My question is, how do I talk to him about this? How do I bring it up so that we can get through this like adults instead of the high school games he seems to be playing? I want him to know that just because I have been wrapped up in final exams doesn't mean I don't care and that I'm not hurting too.

Honestly, I doubt that was what he was trying to do (get you to feel the pain of the breaking). He's most likely just moving on.
I don't think it ever really works to go straight from being lovers to being friends, no matter *how* amicable the breakup. You can't be "friends", IMO, until you're nothing but happy about the thought of your ex finding someone new.
I think writing him an email saying something like, "I'm thinking of you and wish you well, but I need to take a break from being in touch with each other for the time being so I can move on...I'll be in touch when I'm ready" would be a good idea.
Sheri
I actually talked to him just now and things seemed to work out. He admitted that he was trying to fill the void also with a little vegence in there. I guess he was finally ready to talk about it and we both understand where the other is coming from. Thanks again for advice, I really appreciate it.
I so with the girl that broke up with me would just explain to me what happened, from her point of view. it would let me move on. instead i get ridiculous voicemails, that completely avoid the issue, and i feel that it avoids me. not good. COMMUNICATE, YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT.