What to do with jewelry and gifts

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
What to do with jewelry and gifts
5
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 3:35pm
I have a feeling that my boyfriend of a year and a half and i are about to break up. I still love him, but i'm extremely unhappy right now and he's not even trying to put effort into making our relationship work. So i'm about ready to try moving on. My question is, what do i do with all the nice things he's given me? A friend of mine gave her guy back a ring he gave her when they broke up. I don't know if I want to part with mine cuz I still have hope that some day he'll want me back. Should I just keep it all in a box somewhere? Or should I just give it all back to him so he can sell it or something? I've got a ring with sapphires and diamonds, a diamond necklace, and a pearl necklace. They're beautiful and they mean a lot to me. What should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 3:38pm
For right now, I think the focus should be manly on the whole breakup itself. Do you or do you not want to be with him and why. Understanding the reasons behind why you're unhappy is most important and the best thing you can do right away with the jewelry is to simply put it safely out of sight where it can wait for a decision to be made. Deciding about the jewelry states that you are absolutely sure that you two are headed for splitsville, when putting it out of sight can let you think about it for a little. It's better to have out of sight out of mind if you do break up anyway, that way it wont bring up painful regret or memories or make you feel ungrateful for having such nice jewelry but still being broken up and feeling unhappy. Then later if you do break up, you can decide if you want to give it back to him, or not. If it's a big expensive ring, or something along that lines, that symbolized the relationship in some way like a ring might, it may be within means to give that back to him soon but like i said, the main focus should be on you're relationship and why you are unhappy in the first place before you think about the jewelry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 3:47pm
I'm unhappy because he doesn't want to spend time with me anymore. He's really busy, which makes it hard enough, but he doesn't even want to try. I haven't seen him for almost 3 weeks, and he has made no effort to try and see me. If I ask him, he says "I don't know." I have never felt more unwanted and unloved. And I know its not purely that he's busy. He goes out with his coworkers all the time and drinks and plays pool and stuff. If he really wanted to, he could see me periodically. All I want is for him to make some kind of effort towards our relationship, but even that seems too much to ask.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 4:16pm

Simple: You keep it.

These are gifts, not an engagement ring. Do you want him to give you back gifts that you have given to him? Would you expect that? He gave them to you and now they are yours. You deserve them. Put them away for now, you don't want to see them. But trust me once the pain wears off you will no longer associate him with the items as much. When you feel comfotable in time, wear them or sell them. You can even throw them away if you want. They are yours.




Edited 7/11/2006 4:30 pm ET by ycartwaves
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 4:42pm

IMO, giving back gifts that someone gave you in connection with a breakup is one of the cruelest, most hurtful things you can do to someone you love (or once loved). I've had it done to me and it felt like a knife in my gut. I would NEVER do that to someone else!

IMO, you keep the things...put them away for now, and once you're over the relationship, you can wear them with pride and fondness for the relationship you had and the man you once loved.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 7:33pm

When my ex stopped returning my calls, this was his stupid way of breaking up because he was not man enough to call and let me know so I pawned the diamond necklace he gave me 2 months earlier for my birthday. I was in so much emotional pain (and still am) for how he ended things that looking at that necklace just brought back memories of happier times and I didn't want that since I am trying to move on. I need to focus on what he didn't bring to the relationship instead of the happier times. You need to do what is right in your heart but first decide on if this relationship is going to work or not. If it doesn't, then come back to this board and ask again on what to do with the jewerly. Sometimes if a break up is mutual and you part friends, keeping the jewerly is an option but if it is a messing, painful breakup keeping the jewerly can be too painful. The day I pawned that diamond necklace was just another chapter I closed and it helped me move on. I took the money and bought dinner and margaritas for me and 2 of my girlfriends. Now that is money well spent!

I wish you best on whatever you decide to do.