What to do when blindsided by a break up + cheating?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2010
What to do when blindsided by a break up + cheating?
3
Wed, 12-29-2010 - 12:45am

I've been grappling with a sudden, horrible breakup and thought this message board may give me some perspective I haven't yet had. Long story sort of short: My boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me about a month ago with no warning. I go over to his place for dinner after work, he cooks, we sit down on the couch, he asks me if I'm happy, he breaks up with me saying he's not happy. He has no interest in trying to work things out.

This is all very bizarre and unexpected for several reasons. He'd planned a surprise party for my birthday that was two weeks after the break up, and he had contacted some of the invitees the day he broke up with me, saying he'd see them later in the week for dinner. (He told me about the surprise party while breaking up with me). And two days before that he went to the trouble of getting his rental agency to change his lease so we could move in together in a few months.

Needless to say, I was devastated. That was all bad enough, but I was dealing with it OK until a week later when I found out that he started dating his co-worker a few days after breaking up with me, meaning he was likely cheating on me (which he denies). And now they're officially a couple. Since then I wake up in the middle of the night every night freaking out about how he's with her and not me. Last week I was diagnosed with a hormone imbalance that explains why I was moody and had low sex drive for the last couple of months while I trained for a marathon that we ran together. It's like one terrible piece of news after another. I don't know how I'm going to get over this sudden break up, and I'm also afraid that I'm going to run into them everywhere since we live in the same neighborhood. Any advice out there on this one? I just want to stop feeling like this was all my fault and I could have done something differently to avoid this outcome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2010

I think that very often the one breaking up has someone waiting in the wings. You were not offered a chance to work on anything that may have been a dealbreaker for him, so that's not your blame to carry. He just changed his mind about the two of you and decided to move on. Usually you never get an answer about why.

I think that you just need

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2010

Thank you for that, C. I've been keeping busy over the holidays but I'm afraid after that I'll have too much time to dwell on things so I signed up for a race in a month and have decided to take Spanish lessons. I have been running and exercising in the past couple of weeks and it does indeed make me feel better. And while it's tempting to do or say something nasty if I see them, I'm a fan of taking the high road.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2010
you are right for taking the high road, the best possible revenge is looking great and feeling great, mentally if u are ready to start dating do so, if not take your time and continue with your new hobbies.