What do you tell yourself?
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| Tue, 06-14-2005 - 1:08pm |
How do you tell yourself that its ok that the man you truly loved, truly felt was the one for you, you never felt that way about anyone before, that the feelings you had for him just put you on this high that you would think of him all the time and no one would compare THAT...he no longer feels that way about you. he doesn't want it the way you do, doesnt see you as that person anymore, dates other people because he is sinlge now and moving on, he doesnt call you when he knows you are upset and expressing your feelings to him. How do you tell yourself that its ok and you move on. How do you move on? How do you forget? How does that pain go away knowing that he doesnt have the desire to call you that he feels another woman is a lot more fun or easier, no bagge because with you there is that past? How do you go from heariing them tell you that they love you and want a life with you to not hearing anything from them at all.
How???? I really need to know.
What do I tell myself that I screwed it up and just accept it and move on? Do I tell myself he was no good? Do I tell myself that he just doesnt want me because wouldnt he do what ever he can to have me so he must not be right for me, do I say its life, do I say oh well, do I keep trying and plead my case to him or do I just accept that I will never see him again and I just have to let myself cry, kick and scream until I cant anymore. What do I do?
I seriously dont know what to do. I told him I am sorry for any past wrongs, I have tried to expklain myself, I have aplogized for me acting nuts at time that is just ym emotions, I told him my feelings for him, I told him that I understand it is easier to just fond another, I todl him that I want to be hiw wife someday and that I want to make him happy, I told him i want to talk to fix all the bad things so we dont split anymore. i told him that I wish I could take things back and I wish we could talk about it, I told him I miss him, I told him I dont want to take it slow I am ready for all of him, I want more. its been five years we are 30 years old, I am ready for more. A year break up is long enough I want the real thing again. I told him this and i told him I am that same girl he fell in love with and fully capable of making someone happy.
So what else can i do. I dont know so again how do I tell myself to move on, to get over it and what do I tell myself to make it ok?

myadvice...
First....there's no ivillage profile on you.
It takes 3 things to get over someone: time, no contact and acceptance that it's over and that the two of you weren't right for each other.
Even if YOU think he was right for you, he doesn't feel you are right for him. That means you're not right for each other. That doesn't make you bad or wrong or anything other than not right for *each other*. It's kind of a zen concept, but there's a lot of peace that comes from accepting that (don't expect to get there overnight, though--I find that reaching acceptance comes at the end of the grieving process).
Take it one day at a time, with no contact. Don't think in terms of "never" talking to him again...you don't know what the future will hold. I'm actually friends with an ex who broke my heart 8 years ago (it took me 4 years to get to that place where we could be friends, though).
Sheri
i think the best thing you can do right now is try to rest and sleep and eat chocolate. superficial? maybe, but when you're hurting like this, the best thing you can do is try to make yourself as calm and comfortable as possible. find hobbies. if you have friends, spend time with them. take baths. light candles. read books. hang out with your family. take care of yourself.
try not to tell yourself anything. you're not him and you can't control him so there's nothing you can tell yourself to make it all of a sudden make sense. just try to be happy and focus on good things.
good luck and i hope you feel better soon.
I can relate to everything you just said!! I was with my ex for 5 years, and several months ago he left me for someone else. I told him that I was sorry for the things I did wrong and I wanted a second chance, but he was convinced that we are not compatible together and he thinks he made the right decision to leave.
I asked myself the same questions, too! How do you let go of this person that has been with you for so many years?? How could he just end it all?? I'm still in disbelief that things will never be the same.
I agree with what the others said,though - you can't make him love you. And if he doesn't return your feelings, then it's not meant to be. I realize now that my ex will never come back, nor do I want him to! Time is a healer! The breakup gave me a chance to see all the ways in which we weren't compatible. And as time has gone by, I think less about my ex and what could have been. It's given me a chance to focus on ME.
I think that you should try to focus on yourself! I know it's really hard, but it has helped me. I try to indulge in the things that make me smile everyday, like drawing and playing video games, for example. Do whatever it takes to make you feel as happy as possible. I know it's hard to focus on yourself and stop thinking about him, because it sounds like you really loved this guy and your heart is broken. But, you just have to try!
Take care of yourself!!
Thanks for the advice. I am having a very hard time because I opened up to him and told him how I wanted him, all of him, to do it right to talk things out to make it work. i told him I was sorry for everything I ever done and how I always wanted him but lately I would get upset and say it had to be over because he wouldnt do that, he wouldnt discuss things with me. he would say he wanted it to work but then I wouldnt hear from him for a couple of days or he wouldnt want to talk about the future so I would think to myself ok then maybe he doesnt want me. I explained this to him, everything to him. he knows why i get scaerd, I told him the importance of talking, I explained why scraees me about him, I asked him not to put me down but he did. nstead of just saying he doesnt want this, maybe he has another he complestyl attacked me on the phone. he is a smart man he has got to understand what I am saying. do you think he just chooses to ignore it.
How do i just say ok, I will just have to accept that the man I love feels I am this horrible person?
your post ... was and is ME.
i know EXACTLY how you feel . to love so truly and deeply, yet hurt so badly ... to have the one thing you believe so much in abandon and give up on you... to try and force yourself to move on but lost in how to accomplish so ...
its been about 2.5 months since my breakup now and im doing A LOT better. i hurt still, i miss him tons and im far from being "over" him... however... ive stopped crying every day and life has seemed to return to some form of normalcy for me now...
i really cant provide you with any answers because quite honestly, i dont understand it myself. however - i can tell you that for whatever reason it is - it just DOES get better. even when there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel, there actually IS.
it hurts, i know... but just keep sobbing those tears until your system dries out!
hugs,
eeksj