What Does Ex-Bf Want?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2005
What Does Ex-Bf Want?
10
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 10:31pm

Hi,

We broke up 2 weeks ago. Shortly after that, he told me he wanted to stay "friends." I didn't want that at this point. I wanted a clean break to recover, and then perhaps start dating again.

His aunt is a friend of mine. He is living with her now because he is broke. She had a cookout. I went and he was there. We got along OK. He had to go to his parents for a bit (they just got back from Europe). I stayed a while, then had to leave because I had to prepare for tomorrow and let my dogs out.

I then got a text from him asking why I left, that he was on his way back to the party, that he wants to come over to see me and my daughter....that it was good to see me and that I should eat more because I am "too thin."

Whatever does he want????

Bunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 10:54pm

Hi the_happy_bunny,


Could be he wants to be friends, test the water or whatever, you won't know until you talk to him. The bigger questions are do you want to talk to him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2005
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 11:15pm

Hi,

See, I don't know what I want. I know at this point he is not a candidate to be a life-long partner.

Bunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 10:28am
Don't you do anything!! You let him initiate contact!!! And please don't start assuming he wants something else, until he actually says it too you. Men are very simple, they tell you what they want, and give you some sort of clue. If your trying to figure out what he wants, it will drive you crazy. If he calls, you ask him then. If you can't handle being friends, then don't do it. Take it from experience, you can't be friends with an "ex", until the feelings are completely gone. And that means, it doesn't hurt when you see or talk to him. Your break up is too fresh, to try to be friends. Work on yourself and figure out what you want. You deserve to have the relationship you want, and it seems, your "ex" is struggling financially, so that isn't a good sign for you to try and reconcile. He needs to work on himself as well, before the two of you can even start being friends, or having a relationship. Think about, what you want.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2005
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 12:47pm

Hi,

I am not doing anything. He is the one initiating the texts. I got one this morning after I left for work. He wanted to drop by and say "hi."

I going to play it cool for as long as I can before I eventually ask him what he wants from me.

Thanks,

Bunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 1:06pm

For whatever reason, you're keeping yourself in an unhealthy situation with a man whose intrinsic values, by your own admission,

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2005
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 1:12pm
I know I am an intelligent person. I do agree with you and thank you. Hopefully, people will answer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 5:18pm
I'm sorry, if I wasn't clear in my post. I wasn't referring to you "doing something". I know he's initiating the contact. What I meant, since he's contacting you, don't you go and contact him, and ask him "what he wants". Because your very curious on why he's contacting you, and that curiosity leads to "doing something", and finding out the "why". Does that make sense? I hope so. I don't want to be confusing. After awhile, you need to ask him, so you can begin to move on...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2005
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 5:44pm

Hi,

I did ask him what he wanted. He wants to be "friends" so we can work things out. He doesn't want a relationship. I told him he wants his cake and to eat it too. I don't play word games, head games or hedge my bets. "Friendship" assumes we are free to see other people while working it out. That is impossible. Might as well have a clean slate.

Bunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 8:50pm
Since you know what he wants, then you have to ask yourself, if you can handle being his friend. In my experience and reading these posts for years, it's very hard to be friends with someone you still care for. Think about it...It will only prolong you from moving on...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2005
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 9:17pm

Hi,

I told him in no uncertain terms that I can't do the friends thing. He thinks that is how we can work things out. I disagreed and told him I want a clean slate and no ambiguous loose ends.

Bunny