What does he want?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
What does he want?
1
Sun, 03-06-2005 - 11:48am
I am posting today to get some advise and support about my situation. A little history first. My bf and I were together 6 years. In December he moved out because we wanted different things in life. He is younger than I and wants children which I do not. He felt our relationship was going nowhere and there was no future for us. I also felt that there was no future due to the age difference. We loved each other very much and had a really good relationship. We never did fight or yell at each other. I realize now that one thing we did not communicate. Well I went thru hell for 2 weeks while he was gone. I felt at the time that I loved him more than I ever did love anyone in my life. He as well loved me you see I was his first love. We ended up getting back together because life was too painfull without each other. Than 8 weeks later he ended up leaving while I was at work without ever talking to me about it. A friend of mine mentioned to me that he was not happy and was just waiting for a chance to leave. So he left February 22nd. I did not call or hear from him for a week then he calls (Thursday) and asks about some things that he left at my house and wanted to arrange to pick them up. He said he would be by Saturday to get them and I said fine. I kept the conversation short and did not discuss he and I at all. So Saturday morning he calls and mentions that he wants to come by and bring our dogs a bag of food and get some of his stuff and that he would call in a couple of hours to come by. I did mention that I did not want the dogs seeing him because they were doing good about him not being here and I didnt want to upset them. I said I would put them in the bedroom when he came and he said ok. Then he never called.......I also saw him drive by my house on Tuesday and he mentioned on Saturday when we spoke that he had driven by on Friday but did not stop. My question here is why is he trying to stay in contact and making up reasons to call if he does not want to be with me? I feel no contact is the best way to get over a relationship but have not had the chance to tell him this. Please help.....I am trying my best to move on with my life. I have good days and bad days but really want to put all of this in my past.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2005
Sun, 03-06-2005 - 8:35pm

Sherry, I feel for you having to go through this twice is 2 months! It doesn't get easier the second time around, does it? (Yes, many of us have been, there done that, too.) Hang in there, it will get better!

I think he's doing this stuff because it can be just as hard to get over someone even if you're the one doing the leaving. My guess is he is also probably pretty scared about seeing you and how you'll react, and perhaps feeling a bit guilty. Maybe by staying in contact he's easing his own transition (and conscious) a bit. Or he could simply be lonely and wondering if he really wanted to leave. It sounds like it isn't in the cards for the two of you, so stay strong and keep him out where he belongs.

Not that I've been a shining example of this in the past, but I think no contact is the way to go. It really is best for both of you. It is just so hard to move on when you're staying in contact. I know this is sometimes hard to do, but just tell him you would prefer that he doesn't call, email, text message (whatever). And if you have things that belong to him, gather them all up and if he doesn't show up when he says he will, let him know they'll be outside someplace where he can get them (if possible). That way you won't have to see him when he comes to get them.

You sound strong and decisive, I know you'll get through this!