What fills up ur day now?
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What fills up ur day now?
| Sun, 07-16-2006 - 10:20am |
I been feeling sort of numb the last couple of days. I want to try to wean myself off these boards and off of thinking of him alltogether. Im glad he has another woman so now i know there is no going back. My major problem is after 3 1/2 yrs I dont know what to do with myself lol I have no hobbies. Im as of right now living at my parents ugh on a couch. Im in the middle of buying my own home but who knows how long that will take. What are you currently doing since you guys broke up? Im 24 so Im over the bar scene. Where do i meet people? I dont even know where to start? I do want to start dating but i cant meet anyone? And at a bar is no place to meet someone. I was thinking of joining a gym? I need suggs. Its sorta scary. Before I could go out meet someone now it seems so difficult!

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I would suggest outside of work, that you call your friends and suggest going to a movie, dinner, or cocktails. Maybe do some volunteer work for your community or hospitals. Joining a gym is a very good idea. I am a 41 year old single mom and the bar scene is not an option for me. On the weekends I don't have my daughter, I am calling friends and family days before that weekend and making plans to do anything just so that I can keep my mind off the ex.
You said you will be looking for a house soon, I would take drives in neighborhoods you want to move in and see what houses are up for sale. You might even try match.com and see what is out there. I am not ready for a relationship real soon but going out for a casual date now and then would be nice and having men check your profile out and want to contact you, will give you a little boost.
I hope this helps and I know it is so hard right now and scary to try to fill up that time you are used to having with your ex but you will get through this, it is just going to take time.
Take Care!
Not sure if you're in a big city or small town, but either way I would recommend trying online dating to meet someone new. You may want to give yourself a little more time though ... Hasn't it only been about a month or two since your relationship ended?
I don't have any hobbies either, but I've been keeping busy since my breakup. I decluttered my apartment, and that has taken quite a lot of time. I'm still not 100% done. I've also been using my digital camera a lot more. I live near the water so whenever I'm home in the evening, I go down to the water and photograph the sunsets. I've been doing this about 3-4 times a week and it's interesting how different the sky can be every night.
I've also been organizing all the files in my pc. I know that sounds kind of geeky, but it does take up time and helps me keep my mind off the ex. I've been seeing friends more than I did when I was the ex, naturally. I've also been reading relationship books.
On July 4th week, I gave myself a mini-vacation. I went to stay at a hotel not too far from where I live for two nights, three days. I had a really relaxing time and it felt good to be treating myself well.
I seem to be totally busy all the time now. While it's true that I'm mostly doing stuff around my aparment, it's stuff I never had the time to do when I was spending three nights at week with my ex. Overall I feel like my life is moving forward, which is more than I could say when I was with him ...
I hope you continue to feel better Lex.
24 years old and too old for the bar scene? Hardly. Sister, I'm pushing thirty and still hitting the bars. I don't know what they're like where you live, but I would reconsider this option because everybody and their mother goes to bars where I live.
Also, try getting a hobby. Volunteering is nice. Since my ex (of 3.5 years) and I broke up, I have started volunteering and taking a yoga class. I also got a steady freelance job. All great, fulfilling stuff, but the biggest boost to my healing has been... bars. I mean, seriously. You've got all these single people sitting around. Just seeing other single people is heartening. You realize there's a world outside the one you know. I'm not saying you need to date any of the guys you meet there, but just seeing them is nice. I am begging you to reconsider!
After a break-up from a 6 year relationship, I have been asking the same questions. It's only been 2 weeks for me but I've been keeping myself busy with home projects. I've been cutting my own grass for the first time in 6 years, I recently painted my bedroom and hung new window treatments and I'm now shopping for new carpet. I found that during the entire time I was painting (which was a 5 day project), I was really OK. As soon as that was done, I had 2 days of deep depression. Today is day 3 and although I'm OK while I'm at work, as soon as I get home I go into a funk. I just can't shake the anger I feel and I want so badly to do something hurtful to him. Keep in mind that I'm 47 years old so this is really not normal.
I also will not go to bars to meet people. There is no-one worthwhile there. I think we just have to live our lives as normal as possible and maybe run into someone during everyday life that might be interesting. There's nothing more demeaning than trolling the singles scene because we will always have "SINGLE AND LOOKING" written all over our foreheads, which is very unattractive.
I think I will paint my other 2 bedrooms after mine is done, and then move on to the other rooms in the house just to keep busy. Hell, it needs it anyway. A fresh new start to cover over all the painful memories that I see around my house every day.
That works for me for now! Good Luck!
You're still really young. I'm 32 and still feel like a 20 year old. Don't limit yourself.
As for what I've been doing- working extra shifts at the hospital, playing with my dog, planning get-togethers with friends, hitting the gym, studying Spanish, and making goals for myself (ie., like career goals, life goals, etc). Oh and watching lots of funny movies helps, too. I just watched "Barbershop" and it made me feel really good! Total feel-good movie.
Taking issue with something you said:
There's nothing more demeaning than trolling the singles scene because we will always have "SINGLE AND LOOKING" written all over our foreheads, which is very unattractive.
Ma'am, with all due respect, going to bars is not "trolling the singles scene." It's going to bars. I don't know why you would assume that everyone at a bar is there to troll for tail. Surely, the rest of the country can't be so different from Chicago. Surely, if a single 24-year-old girl in, say, North Carolina, goes to a bar, she can meet up with her friends without fear of appearing unattractively desperate. Surely not everyone in the bars in your part of the country are as yucky as you think.
I'm just sayin'.
Edited 7/18/2006 12:11 pm ET by geenser
I was reading this thread with some interest, because it went from how to fill up the day to the virtues of bars ;)
Actually, it was a 6 year relationship, not 2. No, I don't plan to act on any of my angry emotions, just venting.
Thanks
This is a reply to Lisar2006:
Thank you for your post. I just signed up this morning (I should be getting ready for work) and was browsing and looking for someone else who had been in a relationship as long as mine. Mine was 6 yrs this past April, and he broke up with me on Monday night because he loves me but no is no longer "in love" with me. I have not stopped crying since except for when I was at work yesterday, and even then I was tearing up frequently (how humiliating) and sobbed my entire lunch period away.
6 yrs with a man who converted to my religion for me a yr and a half ago so there would be no issues when we got married. 6 yrs with a man who we talked about names for our kids, where we would get married, where we would live, whether I would take his last name, etc. 6 yrs with a man who is (was) my best friend in this whole world.
I am suffering more than words can express. I know I need to go out and do stuff, and friends are trying to get me out of the house, but I am sorry, I just can't do it. I don't remember life without this man, and truthfully, unlike my past relationships where I would get over one by starting another, I do not want anyone else. I only want to be with him. My main problem is although I normally an "independent woman" type of personality, I came to really rely on him over the yrs, and I accepted the fact that this one was probably really the one and it was OK to be a "unit" instead of my own person. Stupid me. I never even saw friends without him, never really hung out at all without him. And now I am so lost, and my face is starting to look like someone beat me up from all the crying.
I will take any advice right now...but my question for the woman who came out of a 6 yr like me...how did you handle those first few days? What were your thoughts? Did you feel like me? I am so devastated...
FYI: I am 26 yrs old and def not interested in a bar scene either...no offense to anyone who finds solace in them. Just not for me. Besides, the thought of being with anyone else makes my stomach flip-flop.
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