What Goes Around, Comes Around

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2007
What Goes Around, Comes Around
12
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 11:49pm

Good evening everyone :)
I'll tell you right now, I'm inexperienced and I don't know any better.

Here's my situation:
I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 8 months (Long distance , although his family owns another home about from me). We went through the honeymoon phase quite wonderfully, BUT around September of this year, when school started up again, our communication was a constant 'Play-pause-play-pause' situation. Sometimes we'd go for days, even up to a week without talking, but every time we resumed, we would happily click back together.

Then...around Thanksgiving time, I wanted to spice up the relationship a little. You know, light the spark again. So I wrote a letter, I suppose it could be a love letter. It was harmless, loving, and 110% genuine. I sent it, with high hopes.
I called him a few days after, and he told me that his parents got to it first. His mother is similar to the one in that movie Monster-in-Law (the one with J-Lo and the angry mother in law) His mother, I believe, is the kind that hates any woman who plans to 'replace' her. So, his parents didn't want him talking to me.
Although, he did say that he loved the letter and that it was nice.

I haven't spoke to him on the phone since. It's been around a month now, maybe more.
I am suspended in a state of nothingness at the moment. I feel so powerless, and I don't know what to do. I've been hopeful and very patient, but something tells me I should just let go.

I was thinking of sending an email because of the fact he won't pick up his phone, but how should I start..or what should I mention?

How would you start a letter to somebody you really, really liked to tell them that you're hurt and you want to talk or break things?

Any help or advice will greatly be appreciated. Thank you so much.
- Claire Anne

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 11:56pm

How old are you? And why is his mother reading his mail?


It sounds like you may be young and he is still living under his parents restrictions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2007
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 12:12am
i'm sorry, but what a jerk he is.
you've done your part by being patient and expressing yourself. listen to your gut. if you feel that you should let it go, do it. he doesn't deserve much from you, the way he's been acting.
i'm sorry you have to put up with this!!
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 12:11pm

Two things: I can't believe his mother opened his mail, and not only that, but *continued to read it* once she saw it was a personal letter, what a freak, and two, if you showed him your heart and he had no idea what to do with it, it's probably best to know that now.

Good luck, I know it hurts.

Myspace CodesMyspace Text Generator, Myspace GraphicsMyspace Codes, Myspace GraphicsMyspace, Myspace CodesMyspace Codes, Myspace GraphicsMyspace Codes, Myspace Graphics

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2007
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 4:55pm

I know!
Sigh, it's probably because they are Asian. (I am too) We're so uptight about all this stuff, it's really different when you're a foreigner.

But I plan to send an email sometime today, before the new year comes...I don't want to have this upsetting baggage with me into 2008.

Thank you so much Sandra.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 11:29pm

I have to disagree with the asian statement somewhat. I grew up in a so-strict-you'd-suffocate asian family too. My mom literally ran every single second of my life until I went to university. However, even she knew the difference between being strict and invading my space. And that space includes not reading my personal mail, even if it means it sits on the table for 8 months while I'm away at school.

If he's using this as an excuse, it's a little bit..pathetic. It sounds like a poor excuse for his inability to set boundaries with his parents. And in the long run, you'll realize that it's better to know now that his mom has too much of a hold in the decisions of his life, than say after 10 years and 3 kids. Which isn't comforting at all right now. And it's crummy when you and him click, but something like his mom comes between you.

And what email are you planning on sending per say? I'd say that if he's not picking up your calls, it's a good indication of where his priorities lie.

All the best


- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past - there's a reason they didn't make it into your future.
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2007
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 11:48am

I really appreciate the response, Susanna :)
I sent the letter (email, to be precise) And basically told him how I felt about everything, how I felt before, with him, how I feel now, the disappointment, my acceptance, some final goodbye's.
I had to leave him in 2007...I didn't want to enter this year with that burden.

Deep down I knew it was a crummy excuse, but it was an excuse, you know? And I just didn't want to lose that happiness we shared once before.

I'm alright now though. I read the article on being upset, and getting over things.
Thank you very much, and Happy new year!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 1:31pm

I completely understand because I've been there too. There's a lot of residual anger and disappointment because things would work out if only they'd grow a backbone.

Happy new year to you too


- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past - there's a reason they didn't make it into your future.
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2007
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 3:49pm

:) It's comforting to know that you understand me...I truly am grateful for all the help and time experienced others contribute here.

As I said before, i'm inexperienced, but I know i'm learning. Even if it might hurt a little bit, pain's only temporary, right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 01-02-2008 - 12:32am

hi

i have to disagree a little bit with unicornsong. I too grew up in an asian fam. (why are there so many asian ppl on this board??) I can totally see his parents take his letter, make him change his cell phone, screen all his communication, telling him girls are a total distraction until some magic day where they suddenly want grandchildren. at least you entered the new year with a lil more experience under your belt. good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2007
Wed, 01-02-2008 - 2:58pm

:) You're right, June. I'm glad I pulled out some good things here and there, and I have a brand new year before me.

It really depends on the Asian family, I think my mom would be considerate enough to not open my mail, but my father would jump on that...lol. But I know for a fact that despite my mother's flexibility with dating and relationships, my father and all my aunts and such are totally against dating, until AFTER college. I've heard it around my Asian friends at school, too. But we all just keep it a secret. ;)

I wonder if I'll ever get closure. Hmm.

Pages