What goes around, comes around??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2003
What goes around, comes around??
11
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 12:54pm
I'm just wondering, based on everyone's past and present experiences, do you guys believe that what goes around, comes around?

I was just reading a post, and someone made a reference... saying that the ex dumped this guy, and having second thoughts, etc, but she will get her karma. I'm just wondering who all believes this saying? I think i do, I want to believe that my ex will one day experience what he's done to me, by someone else, as bad as that is.. i wouldnt normally wish this pain on him, but it would make me feel better if he relized one day just how badly i'm feeling, and that HE did this to me. That's all. I'm stil trying to cope with the break up 2 months later, feeling a bit better day after day. But I have yet to experience "bad karma". Just wondering what you guy's thoughts are. :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 1:07pm
Thats a good question.

I guess theory of what goes around, comes around just happens because when strong feelings are involved, we will always feel pain. It's too common to be just karma. I was hurt when my ex broke up with me for the 3rd time. I won't take him back so now he is feeling rejected.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 2:03pm
I really believe in what goes around come around and that everyone gets theirs in the end. Why, might you ask? Because I've seen it happen. I believe that one day he will meet a woman, fall madly in love with her and for an unexplained reason, he'll be dumped and thrown away like yesterday's garbarge. He will feel all the pain and anguish that I currently feel. I also think that I am now paying for breaking up with an ex-bf and hurting him badly despite the fact that the relationship had been deteriorating for about a year and it was time it died.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 3:13pm
Yes, I think both in a cosmic sense and also in a relationship-specific sense. My ex was a selfish, insensitive ass after I was diagnosed with cancer, refused to go with me to the hospital for biopsies or surgery, and behaved like a creep after. His behavior hurt and devastated me. About a month after the surgery and a week before we were supposed to move in together, I left him (I was realizing that I just couldn't go through with it, couldn't stay with someone who wasn't reliable and emotionally supportive, who *always* put his selfish needs first). But I know from mutual friends that he was devastated (at least for a while), that he spent the weekend we were supposed to be moving in together just crying and drunk dialing friends, and that he felt horribly hurt and rejected. I also realized after I did it that this is an echo of a devastating breakup he had a couple of years before me, where he told his gf of 3 years that his career was more important to him than her, and if she didn't like it she could leave, and he came home one day to find an empty apartment and most of his stuff gone, and never heard from her again. He was still bruised over that, shocked and upset and hurt even years after the fact (no, he didn't get that it was his fault). I think his current pain is the consequence of his behavior to me, and he earned every moment of it. I didn't do it to hurt him, I did it for myself, but it is interesting to stop being the doormat and start being the instrument of cosmic justice and just let him get what he deserves instead of endless compassion, understanding and forgiveness. Although, I know he's off feeling sorry for himself, unable to see that he did anything wrong, and thinking of me as heartless and cruel (he doesn't see the justice). I also know that we're both getting older, and some day I do hope he faces a life-threatening medical crisis with some selfish, flighty partner who isn't interested and won't be compassionate. Also, I know from some stories about his prior relationships and his many bad breakups, that these kinds of people do tend to have bad karma, playing out the same sort of devastating scenarios again and again. My ex complained about how he'd never had a friendship or good relationship with an ex following a breakup, but whether he chose to have nasty messy breakups or it was just karma, eventually it became a pattern with my ex with him often on the receiving end of loss.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 8:26am
I've got mixed thoughts, because I've seen it happen to friends...they dump someone like they were yesterdays paper, and then find that someone for them and get the same treatment.

But I also think that in a way...it's almost like an ego booster for us dumpee's, to think that someday, the person we loved so much and hurt us so badly will actually know how it feels. Almost like our last link to revenge.

To quote my dad on this one:

"Life isn’t like a bowl of cherries...it’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow."


~*~Zsa


Edited 6/22/2004 8:30 am ET ET by squeaks719

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 12:00pm
LOL!!

tell your dad he's a brilliant man. That saying is awesome. I'll be using that in the future.

and i agree when you said that its something "dumpees" think to make themselves feel better. I want to believe my ex will get whats coming to him, or that he'll relize down the road what he's done and kick himself for it. But i've seen it happen many times, but I've also seen it not work out so well. It's hard to say until it actually happens to you i guess.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 10:18pm
Well, i posted on some other boards, and alot of MEN i'm finding, dont believe in "karma".

Im definetely starting to feel like i only believe "what goes around comes around" because im trying to make myself feel better, and that my ex will get his. that eventually one day, he'll relize what's happened, and he'll kick himself. Or, he'll have it happen to him, and he'll relate it back to me.

I just don't know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 10:52pm
I think it will happen don't let them fool you. I don't have anything to compare mine to but I know quite a few people that have said that their exes have called them years later and apoligized for what they did because someone did the same thing to them. I think karma already started working for my ex (car stereo got stolen and his store got broken into twice) but now its not and he thinks hes happy and his life is so great but this relationship is just going to go the same way ours did down the pooper, so I need to keep thinking that and you can keep thinking what you want to believe. Life will eventually work itself out for us. Just that evil time that takes so long but does such wonders!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 12:22pm
well i definitely think part of belieivng "what goes around comes around" is for our own consolation. we dont want to believe we live in such an unfair world where some people get the shaft and others get all the luck. remember that Hole song "Doll Parts"? there's that 1 line "one day you will ache like i ache" that came into my mind as i read this thread.

maybe there is some sortof karmic come uppance being dispensed by the powers that be, in which case it makes me wonder...if im receiving mine right now? i knwo i've hurt people in the past. i know i've been immature, untruthful, insensitive, towards many people. maybe im being told something by my breakup--that i need to be humbled a bit, that its not my time to shine quite yet. i also know that 1 day i'll meet the guy who wants to work it out.

i've seen friends of mine really screw some of their boyfriends over, and then in turn get involved with gusy who do almost the same thign to them.

i know that my ex told me felt that it took him years to get over his high school gf. he felt guilty for mishandling that break up , and whenever he dated girls in college it went nowhere & he was continually getting hurt. i also know that it took him almost 2 yrs to really appreciate what they had, by meeting girls who ddint live up to her standards, who treated him poorly, he realized how lucky he was to have had a girl like her. from that example i'd say i feel like hindsight is our biggest ally, because our ex'es WILL realize what they've lost. even if they get involved with somebody new, they'll notice that this new person is different from us. they'll remember "the last time i was doing this or feeling this i was with so and so". they wont forget us, they cant, its not possible. it wont matter once they realize, because we'll hav emoved on. but we have left an indelible impression on them, we are not forgettable, unlovable or replaceable.

i was the first girl my ex had met since his high school gf who made him feel that way again, and im secretly, actually no im overtly hoping that it takes him just as long to find somebody else. i want to make sure IM the one who meets somebody new before he does. i want him to date some loser girls for a little while and im pretty sure he will. i know he'll relize what he's lost and he'll appreciate me more as time goes on. it will all be irrelevant now, but i suspect all of our ex'es will realize this one day, and that we , as the dumpees, will eventually meet somebody who DOES believe in what we share, and will want to work things out.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 12:36pm
I totally believe in Karma. I think it's true that what goes around comes around. I kinda feel like that's what happening to me now. I've always been the dumper...now I'm the dumpee. My ex says that he knows what I'm going through, he's done it before. He never lived with anyone before and had them say they don't want to be with him and get out. So, I do kinda hope this happens to him. Because I want him to understand how much he hurt me and has continued to do so.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2003
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 12:10pm
i feel the same way aceofjades..

but even if these guys relize what's happened, blah blah, i'm pretty sure mine won't suck up his pride and tell me. He'll just continue to live life, wondering "what if" about me. I find that alot of guys, once they relize they threw away a good thing, don't tend to say anything. they keep it to themselves. I don't know why.

i WANT to know when/if my ex feels regrets, i want to know if he wants to be with me again, and that he hasn't been able to find someone like me. Even if it doesnt make a difference, because i'm with someone else or whatever. I still want him to tell me. But, of course, i know he won't.

and maybe im only saying "what goes around comes around" to make myself feel better, but you know what, it works. Even though i normally don't wish this much unhappiness or pain on someone, because he's so blind and unrealistic, i feel that if he gets treated the same way he just treated me, it'll open his eyes. He's really the type of guy that needs to be smacked in the head in order to GET something. He's so out of touch with reality. But i think im starting to believe that he too, one day, will experience my pain, some girl is going to break and trample on his heart for no reason, and he'll be in my shoes.

and aceofjades, you're right, i think they'll relate us to everyday aspects of their life.. when they do meet someone new, and they do something with her that they did with us, whether they like it or not, they'll think about us. I still do it, i'm mostly over my ex, but when i do something that the 2 of us used to do, with someone else, i can't help but think "me and travis used to do this". I don't know about you, but I'm ready to move onto other guys. I've delt with most of my post break up issues, and occasionally i have a breakdown, but I think i'm stable enough to get back into the dating game!

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