WHAT goes through people's heads?!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
WHAT goes through people's heads?!?
3
Sat, 06-02-2007 - 4:02pm

So I haven't been here for a while because of my move and not having a computer and not sure if I should be fooling on the internet at my new job.

In the few weeks I've been gone my ex and i have been talking. After 38 days of NC he called and all the crying and "I miss yous, I love yous, I'm so unhappys" started. So I think "finally he's come to his senses and being away made him realize what he's lost". We set up a time to talk and immediately his boss got on the phone with me and started telling me that this has to end with us and that my ex has been so distraught and unhappy and not himself and we need to fix this. The way he was talking was like it was my fault and I started telling him it was not my fault and he left me. And his boss said he knew and that my ex was stupid and didn't know his own mind and was weak and that I needed to give him the push to do the right thing. I said that I was pushing and he just won't do anything he needs to meet me half way.

so long story short my ex and I have been talking a few times these last 2 weeks and he loves me and misses me but yet he is moving in with his ex. WTF, goes through people's heads@!!!!!!! He tells me he's doing this for financial reasons because the house is in her name and he doesn't want to loose the money he put into it. I said no one wants to loose money, me especially, but there are times when you gotta know when to hold em and know when to fold em. The good thing about money is there is always more to made. So he want's to come here to see me and I said not while he's living with her.

Why does he not want to solve this? I finally have figured out the reason we broke up. He eludes to it but will not come out and say it because we've had so many discussions about it and he always said he didn't care. He wants kids, I am somewhere near the fence about them. i made it very clear to him when we were dating that I did not want kids under no uncertain terms. He said he already had one so it didn't bother him. He brought it up a few more times and I always just blew it off. One day after we got engaged I made a joke about us having 2 daughters and he looked at me like he just won the lottery. At that point I started to rethink my decision. Maybe it isn't so much that I didn't want kids as it is that I am not ready for them. Well then we broke up and I suspected this was the real reason for it but couldn't now tell him that I was rethinking my decision...it would have seemed that it was because I was trying to get him back. So mostly I think he thinks "does he have kids with a girl he doesn't love or does he not have kids and be with the girl he does love?" And he's just making up stories about houses and finances and crap.

But the question I have is...why does someone want to have kids with someone they don't love? I really thinks he wants to have kids with her and then end up spending the rest of his life with me after they are grown and he can leave. why do that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 3:35pm

Hi sun14,


::he loves me and misses me but yet he is moving in with his ex.


This would be a dealbreaker for me.


::why does someone want to have kids with someone they don't love? I really thinks he wants to have kids with her and then end up spending the rest of his life with me after they are grown and he can leave. why do that?


People want what they want, what they want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 4:44pm

::he loves me and misses me but yet he is moving in with his ex.

>>This would be a dealbreaker for me.<<

We have no deal but trust me it is a breaker for me.

>>Is this the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with?<<
I wish so badly I could say "no" but I love him. I've tried not to but I just can't do it. I get mad at the things he does, but I don't get mad at him. I want so much to just not love him so I can tell him to go to he// but i just can't. I'm so unhappy.

>>to get you to step up and say 'stop, don't do it. I'll have kids with you.' ??<<
I've told him the door was never closed to the discussion on children but I can't say I want something before I'm in the situation of having it. And I don't want him to feel cheated or lied to if I decide I don't want them.

This is just so hard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 4:56pm

::And I don't want him to feel cheated or lied to if I decide I don't want them.


I recently met a guy 10 yrs younger than me and he really wanted kids....I too feel like you do. I couldn't say yes to his request because I knew I couldn't.