WHAT IS GOING ON?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2007
WHAT IS GOING ON?
2
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 9:15pm

OKAY, hi guys! i havent posted in forever because it's been over four months since my break up. it was a REALLY messy one (best friend, to boyfriend, to ex..) and i wont go into details, but i was compltely crushed and a royal mess. i was completely hopeless for months and finally about a month ago the hurt began to lift. i felt better. correction: i FEEL better. yes, sometimes i miss him, and im still hurt because..lets be real...its only been four months. but anyways, i decided the best way for me to be okay with everything is to not have any sort of real contact with my ex, which is tough because he attends my school. we have TINY conversations (never one on one, and never about ANYTHING personal, and never longer than 15 seconds). he always starts the interactions at school because, frankly, im not interested in giving someone who hurt me so badly any sort of attenecion. but my curiosity lies in this: about a month ago (right around the time some of my bitterness began to lift and i even entered a casual relationship) my ex began IMing me. first he would just say "hey". i never answered (for self-preservation purposes). what was even more curious than him contacting me was that even after i ignored him FOUR times...he continued trying. he then start say "hey, whats up?". they "hey, how was your break?" then "hey, did you go to nc over break?" (somewhere him at a traveled together last summer. he has IMed me probubley around 15 (maybe less) times. i've ignored them all. just becasue i'm almost over him doesnt mean im interested in having a personal one on one conversation online...is this immautre?

i know these things sound small...bt its just really confusing me that his IM keeps poping up on my screen. like...shouldnt he get the point when i ignore him EVERY time. you would think that he would just drop it since i'm sure it doesnt mean anything to him.

i awknowledge him in shcool when he says something to me because i dont care enoguh to ignore him any more...but is it okay that that DOESNT mean i want to TALK TO HIM ONLINE? and furthermore...WHY continue to contact me when i haVE OBVIOUSLY ignore your previous attemps (ALL of them)?

i would like him to stop...but i cant tell him that cause i dont want him to know the thought of him still bothers me. i was just hoping me would ;take the hint and stop...but it has yet to work. i dont know...im confused.

advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 10:13pm
You are at the point where a lot of people who are posting right now, wish they were in your shoes. You are moving on, and the "ex" senses it. It happens everytime, and it's like clock work. They seem to sniff when the other person is moving on, and they begin to contact you. You can continue to ignore him. Right now, the ball is in your court, and you pretty much don't care, so that's a good thing. Do what you want, but don't be mean about it. Remember Karma, treat people the way you want to be treated. You could email him, and just say please stop IMing me. Like I said, the ball is in your court, and you could ignore him, and he will eventually get it. It might be hard when you see him at school, but your handling that ok, so good luck. Your doing good, and continue to take care of you. And your not confused, he is confused. Don't think the IMing means anything, because if he wanted something from you, he would tell you, and not play these games. Don't fall for the contact meaning he still cares. He's curious on why your ignoring him, and if your seeing someone. I changed my mind, continue to ignore. He's only playing games...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 11:15pm
If you really want to get this person out of your life and just ignoring his messages are not working, you are going to have to be upfront and honest with him and say "please don't contact me anymore, I am trying to heal and move on". This means telling him rather it is on the phone or face to face. Once you do this, you will have this feeling of empowerment and YOU will have control not him.