What Happened
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What Happened
| Fri, 05-05-2006 - 12:06am |
What Happened?
I was reunited after 18 years with my love of a lifetime; unfortunetly he lived 800 miles away but we started communicating at least every other day and realized that we were still madly in love with each other. We planned for him to relocate back home(his idea) and start a life together, then one day he didn't call as usual, then another, then he wouldn't return my calls- no explaination - no clue- he just vanished- He called once in between saying he was very busy and a little tired and so sorry for not calling then again nothing for 3 weeks. WHY would someone do this, I know he loved me and I know he has always had commitment issues but this time we were even better together then ever- we talked in ways we never did before and really communicted, I think thats why I am so perplexed-then he's gone without a word. What do I do? I still love him and I do feel he loves me-My mind says forget but I soulfully love this man. Any Advice??? Please!
I was reunited after 18 years with my love of a lifetime; unfortunetly he lived 800 miles away but we started communicating at least every other day and realized that we were still madly in love with each other. We planned for him to relocate back home(his idea) and start a life together, then one day he didn't call as usual, then another, then he wouldn't return my calls- no explaination - no clue- he just vanished- He called once in between saying he was very busy and a little tired and so sorry for not calling then again nothing for 3 weeks. WHY would someone do this, I know he loved me and I know he has always had commitment issues but this time we were even better together then ever- we talked in ways we never did before and really communicted, I think thats why I am so perplexed-then he's gone without a word. What do I do? I still love him and I do feel he loves me-My mind says forget but I soulfully love this man. Any Advice??? Please!

Hi! Read "He's Scared, She's Scared" by Steven Carter. It's the definitive explanation of this commitment issue.
I've been in this same situation but with a woman.
Simply put, if you say he has commitment issues---they don't go away.
Yes things seemed great when he was 800 miles away. The further away he was, the easier it was to say the things he did. To be "madly in love".
But the minute it became "real" for him, he disappeared.
Cut the cord, disconnect, find a healthier partner closer to home,
The book He's Scared, She's Scared (or Men Who Can't Love, also by Steven Carter) will help you understand. The author calls it the "Houdini" syndrome.
Sheri
This is tough love. He is right. He cannot make you happy; only you can make yourself happy. And he probably is doing you a favor in the long run by ending the relationship, if he is a commitmentphobe, which it sounds like he is. You cannot make him be in any kind of relationship with you if he does not want to be. It takes two to make a relationship.
The book should explain a lot of this to you.
The book, Men Who Can't Love, is the bible on this type of behavior. You might read it and see if you think it applies to your situation.