What Happened???
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| Fri, 03-18-2005 - 5:22am |
I am still recovering from the blow I got last week from my man that just came out of nowhere and said I'm can't be in a relationship right now. It only lasted for about 3 1/2 weeks but it really was a great 3 weeks. I met him through my job last October and he finally asked me out 3 1/2 weeks ago. He called me on Feb. 15 and asked would I like to go to dinner and a movie and I said what about a movie and dinner at my house, Big Mistake on my part!!
Anyway, we are both 40 and 41 years old. He is divorced for 1 year after a 20 year marriage with 4 kids and I have not been married for 20 years with 1 grown child. I had not been in a relationship with a man for 10 years now and when he asked me out I was so happy because I had wanted to go out with him for a while. Our first night together was spent watching the movie and then to the bedroom, he stayed for the next 4 days, then went home (he lives with his parents now) for a day and came back and stayed for the next three and that's how it's been for the last 3 1/2 weeks. Then a couple of weeks ago he says his kids are really calling and he has to spend some time with them and I say sure of course, but the weird thing was he didn't call the day before like he usually called me everyday and then he would just spring it on me and say don't be upset. Who would be upset that your spending time with your kids?? Not me.
Last Weekend he stays here Saturday and Sunday night, gets up monday morning to go to work, we kiss goodbye, he brings me dinner to work on tuesday night, because I'm working late, oh and he's been working a lot of overtime at his job too, so he's tired. Wednesday, I don't hear from him at the usual time so I call him at work and he says he really busy, he'll call later, he doesn't. Thursday comes and I don't hear from him. When I get home from work, there's a message on my machine that says "I hope your not upset with me, but I've been working my tail off, I'm really tired and I need to spend some time with my kids right now, I have the child custody mediation next week (news flash to me)and I really have to take care of this right now, nothing against you, but I just have to take care of this right now, you take care and I'll call back, take care".
Well, to say the least, I got a knot in my stomach. I called and immediately got his voice mail on his cell phone. I left him a message that said, of course I'm not upset with you, I know your tired, that's why I haven't called you, but call me back. He called at 9:30 that night and said he thought he had told me about the child custody thing last week and that why couldn't I just be his friend right now and be there. I said I was his friend, but what did that mean to him and he said "I'll call, we'll talk, and then I said but when will we see each other again and he didn't know right now.
That was last thursday. I called him once more that night and of course got voice mail and said call me in the morning and he did. I told him that I was confused and needed him to tell me what was going on, that I had done nothing to deserve this and he said he just could not be in a relationship right now, That no one and he said no one gets out of a 20 year marraige with on a year of divorce and gets into another relationship! He said it was never his intention to hurt me and he wished he had not asked me out and stayed by himself, So I said, does that mean this is goodbye! He said no. He said why can't you be my friend right now! I said I am your friend and if all you want is to go backwards to just being friends, I didn't know if I could do that.
Anyway, long story short, he has not called me since. I have called him 5 times and gotten voice mail 3 times and spoken with him twice. He says, quit worrying, you'll see me again and he told me how his custody hearing went. This guy has a lot of baggage and did come out of a very bad marriage from what I'm hearing. Maybe I'm expecting too much too soon.
Someone, please tell me what's wrong with the picture here, is it me, is it him or the whole scenario?
sad and confused

sad and confused...
You really answered your question with this sentence:
This guy has a lot of baggage and did come out of a very bad marriage from what I'm hearing...
Let's face it....if there were problems in a previous marriage...and child custody is an issue...a man isn't going to immediately turn these issues off in favor of a new relationship!
Did I read that right??? He came over to your house on a first date and didn't leave for FOUR DAYS???
That is definitely too much too soon. You've already recognized that it was a mistake to ask him to come to your house on the first date. You should be DATING, not trying to form a relationship right off the bat!
The combination of him just getting out of a marriage and you wanting an "instant relationship" was just too much for him. Leave him be and move on.
Sheri
Thanks for all the advice from everybody. It has been about six weeks with no contact from him at all. I had to call him the other day and remind him of doctors appts at our clinic and of course he cancelled them saying he couldn't come because of a hectic work schedule, but the funny, really strange thing was he acted as though we had never met or know each other.
I know we only 3 1/2 weeks together, but what was the cold shoulder for, is that just his way of dealing with it? Who knows. I still have questions, many which I know will never be answered. But the amazing part is how a person can shut down emotions and feelings that fast and just move on.
Oh, one more thing I forgot to tell everybody. He called a week later after he said he needed his space and left a message on my answering machine saying "just letting you know, don't call me on my cell phone anymore, because I'm gonna turn it over to my daughter and I don't need anything to come up right now".
I have never in my life, what was that all about. I called him when I got home and said "What's up?", he just said her phone was broke and that he was going to have to get him another cell phone, one of those 9.99 plans and until then, not to call the cell phone number.
Who knows.....