what the &^&& is he doing to my life
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what the &^&& is he doing to my life
| Wed, 12-01-2004 - 12:37am |
my ex and i broke up in june and have had NC since until nov.12 when he text me and i stupidly texted him back. We have text each other 5 times since..just hello stuff...AND THEN IT HAPPENED....He called me last night. It felt so funny talking on the phone..i finally got to tell him how much he hurt me when he decided we were over and started dating his new girkfriend (he 45-she 24)...i talked to a mutual friend of ours on 11/13 and she said they are still together but last night he said he still loved me and he tried to get me off his mind but for the last couple of months he has been thinking about me daily- we were together for 3 years.....I don't know what his motives are but i am not thinking about anything other than being a freind if possible and i a not pursuing that.....he called me today from work and we talked about general stuff...he did say that he was afraif to call me because he thought i would tell him to go to Hell..and i would have 3 months ago..i have got my life under control and don't need him to try to come in and mess things up...I know i still care for him but he would have to a hell of alot more than make a couple of phone calls to convince me that i can trust him as a friend before anything else. I guess it would be like starting a friendship over. I think he is still with his girl but has realized that the grass is not greener..but i realized that it is..what would you do

PLEASE be careful...
This man has hurt you so much in the past. I'm sure it must feel great to know that he has been thinking of you and might want to get back together...but at the same time, he is still with his girlfriend. And even though you say you are only considering friendship, if even that...it would be very easy to fall back into his trap again.
I'm glad you finally got a chance to tell him how much he hurt you...I'm sure that felt good to finally get some closure. In a way, I envy you...your ex has come back. Part of me still hopes mine will do the same. And I can't say that I would be able to turn him away. But deep down, a part of me knows (I still have to accept it) that I could not take him back, no matter how much I'd want to. Too much has happened between us...we ended for a reason. And sure, sometimes couples get back together and it works out, and sometimes people do deserve a second chance...but usually not. Very rarely do people change for the better...
But it does sound like you have gotten a lot more control over yourself and your life...I'm glad you realize that your ex would need to do a LOT of work before you'd be willing to consider anything with him. You have come so far! Just continue to be strong, and be cautious...remember what he has done to you in the past.
"It's so weird, you know? How we always inevitably find ourselves wanting to run back to the ones we used to love, for some reason thinking it would work out differently the second time around..."
"I know I've made a lot of stupid mistakes. But the worst one was thinking the person who hurt me the most, wouldn't hurt me again."
"Forgive those who wrong you, but remember how they hurt you when they want a second chance."
I second the "be careful" here! For me the big red flag is that he is STILL with the other girl... so he wants you back? And so then why is he still with her? Are both of you his little safety net??? If you don't come back well, hey, he still has her...? And if you do come back will he THEN break all contact with her, but yet never stand on his OWN? Yikes... stuff like this really concerns me... sounds like he is terrified of being alone, and when he wasn't happy in the relationship with you, he found someone else so he didn't have to be alone... now he isn't happy in that and so he comes back to you...
I would be very, very careful... I know for me it would be very hard for him to earn my trust again... there was SOME reason he left (or found someone new) in the first place... I would definitely make him face and deal with that issue before even considering putting the relationship back together...
I know this probably sounds a bit harsh, but this happened to me too... except he left to be on his own... no one else involved... 6 months later (divorce was pending... I filed after a couple months) he came back, begging for another chance, realizing what he was missing etc. I told him I would NOT consider working this out without seeing a marriage counselor... so we did...stayed married and made it 3 more years...then he left again. My divorce finalizes 3 days from now... sigh...
take care and take care of YOU first and foremost... I hope how ever it works out will be what is healthiest for you... hugs...