What he said during the break up...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2007
What he said during the break up...
4
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 7:18pm

Hi everyone.

It's been almost a month since we broke up, and something he said to me during the breakup is still bothering me (and has me pretty angry). I was too upset and sad to really think about it until now.

When we broke up he told me he thought we were on "different levels". I think in a lot of ways he thinks he is better than me. This pisses me off. How dare he? He pretty much implied that in some way I am holding him back. I always let him have his freedom and always sacrificed my happiness for his, and it still wasn't enough for him. I was the BEST girlfriend...I put up with so much crap from him (him putting his friends before me, etc). He didn't want to take any responsibility for the end of the relationship. It was all me. He also told me he thought he was "mature for his age" which is complete BS. The way he acted toward the end of our relationship was the complete opposite of maturity. It's all a joke now, and I am VERY angry. I know confronting him is a lost cause, he doesn't get it. I just want him to realize how much he took me for granted. I am SO angry a month after the break up. I told him I needed space and didn't want to be friends right now, but in reality, why would I want to be friends with him EVER?

I know I am better off without him, but I'm HURT because I have a feeling he's not mourning the relationship at all, when all I do is think about him and what he did, and how upset I am right now. I just don't feel like it's fair. I don't know if I even want him to contact me or not...he's a bad seed and I should just stay away from him -it's for the best. It just seems like things are getting harder for me as time goes on - not easier.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2006
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 10:59pm

Hi--

This is so incredibly similar to my situtation and i don't know if my experience will help you. But my bf and i broke up a year ago almost and I was still angry!! And I seriously carried it around with me for a long time. My therpist said write it and so did people here. So maybe try writing a letter and dont send...I of course took the less dignified route.

This past Thursday, I broke down called him and laid into him about EVERYTHING. I mean 5 MONTHS of no contact just down the toilet. But truthfully getting it off my chest was great BUT i said way too much and now he thinks that I am a blubbering fool still hung up on him even tho I feel like you--I was such a good gf and he didn't freaking even appreciate it. And i think he is a selfish jerk but still i had to yell at him because of this anger.

Truthfully he took some mean things back that he said a long time ago BUT he said some more mean things that I now think of! I mean basically said life is smooth sailing without me!!! SO basically its like if you go back and argue you get some things off your chest BUT THEN it could also just add more fuel to the FIRE! So my advice is be stronger than me and try hard to get the anger out through another outlet...I mean you already know hes not worth it and F*** him for thinking he's better--he obviously is not.

I mean it had been so long for me too and I was still mad so I think sometimes I think it can sprout up again--maybe somehting triggered it for you? I know my reason for relapse was mostly due to my own life issues/stress going on right now.

Good Luck! (to both of us:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 11:43pm
The thing is, it is always easier for the one to pass blame on the other party. Honestly, you know what happened, and so does he. You have every right to feel anry, just dont let him manipulate you into believing it was your fault. I hate being cliche and saying it will get easier with time, because you have said you are starting to feel worse. I just hope it isnt because you actually believe what he has said to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2006
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 12:22am
My ex just did the same thing. He made a little fight we had turn into a huge issue just to make himself feel better about the break-up. He used that as an excuse so it didn't look like the main problem was his commitment issues. He said some things I did helped him to come to his decision to end the relationship again. I am not perfect but most of the problems in our relationship stemmed from his selfishness and fear of commitment, not to mention his insecurities. What's more sad is that I constantly question myself now wondering if I hadn't been a better girlfriend, if I hadn't done this or that when really none of that mattered. He was going to find some reason to walk away no matter what I did eventually. Just remember blaming things on you make him not the bad guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 10:56am

Right around a month after a breakup is when the emotions come to a head and the anger starts to set in, it's actually pretty typical of what I've seen here over time.

Myspace Codes