what is he thinking?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2006
what is he thinking?
2
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 2:50pm

Ok, i've just been in a really sticky break up and i'm terribly confused about allof this and was wondering if I could get some advice. Here's what happened.

two months ago I was kicked out of my house by my mother and was forced to m ove in with my boyfriend. He didn't really want me to because he wasn't ready for it, but knew i had no where else to go, so he let me. For the most part we were happy. He was living inhis family home, but his parents didn'tlive there as they we're going through a messy breakup, but in the last 2 weeks, his mothermoved back in. He slowly sank into a depression and never blamed me as he know;s its a chemical inbalance, but we both know that I was adding to it. Because of his depression he never wanted to go out and do anything so I started to sink into my own depression, and in the end, his mother flipped out blaming me for the depression and called my mother to come pick me up. He also wasn't sure if he believed that I really waskickedout, so he didn't trust me that much but now, after the fact, finally knows that I wasn't lying so he once again has no reason to distrust me.

It was his choice to end it, saying he was nolonger happybut he's not able to tell me why he wasn't happy with me. I don't feel that it's time for it to be over, I still lovehim far tomuch. We talk a fair bit, and he says he still loves me and that he misses me. I asked if he was sure if he wanted it to be over and at first he said yes, that's we'll always be special to each other as we're each others first love and first lover, but that he thinks were done romantically, but then I asked why, he couldn't give me a good answer and I once again asked if he was sure and then he said he doesn't know. The break up was still fresh so I asked him if I gave him a month with out me bringing it up if that would change his feelings. If he had a month of us justbeing friends and not talking about it then would it change and would he want me again, want to fall in love all over again, and he said he doesn't know and that I should give him the month and ask him again then.

What does that mean? He's got my heart inhis hands. He's not sure what he wants to do with me. If he's sure that he doesnt want me like that again then I need to come to terms with that and somehow start tomove on, but i've now got to wait a month because I don't want to start moving on if theres a chance that he's going to turn around and say he wants to see me and that theres a chance we can be again. Does anyone have any insight onto what might be going through his mind?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:00pm

I'm so sorry for your situation.

The advice I'm going to give you is some that I've received many times. I got broken up with almost 3 months ago by my ex, we were together 4.5 years since our Junior year in highschool. Yeah it was a highschool love, but it was sooo much more than that. He is 22, I'm 21. He needed to break up with me because as he put it, he didn't want to be in a relationship right now, needed some time alone, was trying to figure out what he wanted out of life, etc... I at first did exactly what you are doing, crying, begging, pleading, etc. Trust me when I say this does not work. It's just making you look desperate and needy. And he's not going to want to get back together with someone who is acting like that.

What you need to do is NO CONTACT. It is hard, but I did it for 4 weeks and it helped alot. We now talk about every 2 weeks, but just about what's going on, no relationship stuff. My ex and I still love each other very much, but that doesn't mean we're ever going to get back together. Sometimes you can love someone with all you have, but they may not be the person for you.

TRUST me when I say the pain does go away. Take some time to yourself, don't talk to him. Let him see what life would be like without you in it. Let him miss you, let him contact you. Don't cry, don't plead.

Be the strong, independent, great woman you are. Find your inner strength.

I'm gonna give you some advice someone on these boards once gave me:

"Move on with your life, moving on doesn't mean that you don't still love him or that you won't get back together one day, it just means you're moving on. You can't waste your life sitting around waiting on someone who didn't want you to begin with"

Remember this break up was not your fault, so don't think like that (we all tend to do that sometimes).

My philosophy: Hope for the best, but expect the worst.

If you are supposed to be with him, you will be. If you aren't supposed to be with him, then you'll find someone better to be with.

Hope I helped and if you have any questions, let me know.

(((((HUGS)))))

~Amber~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 2:14pm

I'm sorry you're in a limbo right now, it's a very difficult place to be emotionally.

Myspace Codes