What is he thinking?
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What is he thinking?
| Mon, 07-25-2005 - 12:16pm |
I've never been good at reading guys that I've fallen for, but it seems that no one else can read this one either. We were friends for a year and a half before we started dating. Or I guess you could say that we were friends with benefits up until the month before we started dating when I refused to continue with the benefits. He broke up with me a week ago and can't give me a reason why. He tells me that he himself honestly does not know, but that he can't be with me right now. There are a lot of factors that are involved with our relationship though. First of all he was involved in an accident 9 months ago where he and two of our other good friends at the time were ejected from his truck and our other two friends were killed. He doesn't remember anything from the accident and it is a complete miracle that he was not killed. He hasn't in any way expressed to anyone what he is feeling about this, but has instead locked it up inside. Then there is also the fact that I will be leaving for college in 3 weeks and will be living two and a half hours away for at least five days out of the week. Not to mention that he's the first guy that I've ever truly loved and I believe with all of my heart that we are meant for one and other. He still calls me and when I ask he says that he doesn't want to be with anyone else. When I ask him if he will rethink his decision and be with me he tells me "Not right now." and when I ask him "When?" he says he doesn't know. If there isn't anyone else....which I know for sure that there isn't, then is it cold feet on his part? Is he scared? I just don't get it, I look into his eyes and see that he still cares about me, even though he tells me other wise, he's even told me that he misses me. He's fighting his feelings for me and I don't understand why. What am I missing?

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Honey, it seems that you were never dating, although the info isn't clear to me....the day you ended the benefits the entire deal went south. For a year and a half, he and you were enjoying each other hanging out and having sex. After the sex was stopped by you he changed. He said he doesn't want anything serious with you, but that he misses you; he misses the sex. He doesn't know when he'll be ready for a serious relationship.
IMO, he's not scared, he just doesn't want anything serious that includes responsabilities, obligations and a committment. Do you know if during the year you were FWB he had some other deals on the side? Given his pattern it's possible that he's looking for casual relatinships and he may be having more than one. Lossing your benefits doesn't mean that he's not getting any somewhere else.
He's thinking that since you stopped the benefits and that means that you want more, but he's not willing to give you more than what he was already giving you, so his way out is to say "I don't know".