what the hell is going on??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
what the hell is going on??
6
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 12:18am

i am soo confused and need some advice...

my boyfriend just dumped me out of the blue. he said he loved me, but was not sexually attracted to me anymore b/c he thought i was cheating on him 6 months ago (which i wasn't!! i was actually out talking to another member of the opposite sex to try to figure him out, but i didn't want to tell him about it b/c i felt ashamed i needed advice). one day he was hugging me and giving me a massage and telling me how much he loved me... and then 24 hours later i got a phone call that he decided during the course of the next day that the relationship was going nowhere. i don't understand!! i cried in front of him and asked for my stuff back. he said we should work on being friends and he would call me the next day...he still hasn't called and wouldn't give me my stuff back. i'm starting my most rigorous part of my med school years and its going horribly (i was an honors student) i don't know what to think... why do guys do this? what is he thinking? nad if it really is over how do i ask for my stuf back without making it look like i wanna contact him out of desperation???

ps- my stuff= a brand new snowboard and 2 snowboarding outfits- definately well over a $1000- i still have his expensive textbooks at my place- well over a $1000-

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 11:38am

Hi liljewlz,

My situation is a little bit similar to yours, minus my "ex's" addiction, so I figured i'd write to you... Unfortunately I have no advice to offer because I am in such a similar situation (you can read my post below), but I just thought it might be a little comforting to know that you're not alone.

Jacki

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 1:32pm

give it a week and then call him to (a) either arrange a drop off spot and have someone else go and pick your stuff up or (b) let him drop it off/you could go pick your stuff up. if your contacting him b/c you sincerely want your stuff back and not to ask those pesky why ques. then your actions won't be viewed as desperation. but if your contacting him and using the fact that your stuff is still at his place then it could blow up in your face. he will sense the desperation and will try to make you jump through hoola hoops just to see how far you're willing to go and then he still might not decide to give you your stuff back. how would you feel then?

my advice focuc on your course work. i know that the mere thought of just going on w/your life is painful but you have ALOT more important things going on right now. don't let yourself down!

be strong and stay focussed.

E.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 1:47pm
I know it's hard but let him go and don't contact him right away. Give yourself a week or two to adjust to the breakup. I continued to want a man who clearly didn't want me and now I'm a single mother. You are in med school with a bright future. This is probably your first test in how you will HAVE TO separate your personal and professtional life by being a doctor. Don't let him destroy everything you've worked hard for. Once you've accepted the relationship is over, call him and arrange to pickup your stuff. Don't even bother asking him why or let him know you are hurting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 10:25pm
It sounds like he really thinks you cheated on him....which has probably hurt his ego a bit and that may take some time to mend....later on he may decide to hear you out but then again he may not.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 10:26am
i think you need to get your stuff back. can you ask a good friend to call him and arrange for a time for the pick-up?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2005
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 5:50pm

Hi, I had a key to my bf's place and I went there when I knew he was at work, took my things, left the key in plain veiw on his table and split, that was one week ago.

I have broke up with him before and he NEVER wanted to give me back my stuff, and I did use it as an excuse to see him. That was just wrong. He knew it, it was that transparent. I didn't want to get freinds involved in the pick up thing. Looking back I wonder if that was jus another excuse that I made up.

It's hard to tell any-one what to do when you are confused and miss them so bad, but hang in there. You can do this. It's tough and my heart goes out to you. I know and other's what your going through.

Look ahead to your future, it sounds like you have a great one. Remain calm and hugs to you.