What is his deal????
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| Wed, 12-22-2004 - 5:23pm |
My ex and I were friends for almost 3 years before we started dating. I knew him when he dated his girlfriend before me. He and I started dating and dated for 11 months. It was a perfect realtionship, no problems at all. If we did have problems they were very minor and we would talk about it and fix it right then. The break up came out of nowhere. He called me on a Thursday night when he was sick wanting me to come take care of him(he lives 2.5 hrs away) I went up there to take care of him. That Sunday we had a very long conversation about where things were going. He was supposed to move where I live in January. We decided that this wasn't a good time since both of us are having difficutly financially (we both still live with our parents, and he just graduated college), and that he would stay at home at substitute teach, then we would bring in up in June when my contract with my school district is over.
That night he told me that he loved me very much, I was the only person that made him 100% happy, I was the only person who was always there for him 100%, etc. Then the next day (Monday) he broke up with me, saying that he didn't see the relationship going anywhere, when just the week before we were talking about moving and marriage. We had stated when we first started dating that we would be friends no mater what happened, and he even said after the break up that he wanted to be friends, he just didn't know when. I took the break up really really hard. He even stopped hanging out with his friends and family. He has eventually started hanging out with them again.
He started dating this new girl shortly after teh breakup. This girl showed interest in him while he and I were dating, and it was the first new girl that showed any type of interest. Things seem to be going okay with this girl, but he has stopped communicating with me. He wouldn't respond to my e-mails and blocked me on messenger. There was a pregnancy scare there, and when I found out that I wasn't I text messenged him that I needed to tell him something that would make him happy, so he answered my call when I called him shortly after. We chatted for a few min. then (that was at the beginning of Dec.) He graduated college this past weekend so I called him to congratulate him, he didn't answer his phone but he called me later that day. He chatted for about 45 min. and I asked him to unblock me from messenger. Later that day he did and we chatted for a little bit. Then I went out and came back and he had me blocked again.
I think this new girlfriend of his is trying to change him and make him do things that she likes because he was telling me all the stuff he had been doing and its stuff that hadn't interested him in the 4 years I knew him. He even has started listening to country music(nothing wrong with country music), but I would play it for him to irritate him, and now he is listening to it. I am a firm believer that a person shouldn't change for someone else.
Sorry this is so long, but my question if you are still reading, is what is his deal? Do you think this new girlfriend of his doens't want him talking to me? I just really don't get it because we had a very positive converstation when we chatted. He also made a mention that whenever he got my e-mails, he was alreday in a mad mood from what had gone on those days(had a rough 2nd block of teh semester) and then that him being in a bad mood would but the new gf in a bad mood.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for listening. Oh, I am pretty much over him now, just want to be friends since we were friends for so long before we started dating. I still love him a little bit but I know we will never be together like taht again.

"I am a firm believer that a person shouldn't change for someone else."
Not if they don't WANT to change for the person. Not all change is bad. Heartbreaking as this may be, and I don't want to hurt you here, but "his deal" is that he's thinking she just may be TheOne. It appears that he is really in to her, and making these changes for HER is worth it.
"I think this new girlfriend of his is trying to change him and make him do things that she likes because he was telling me all the stuff he had been doing and its stuff that hadn't interested him in the 4 years I knew him"
She isn't making him do things that she likes, (after all, were YOU able to MAKE him do things he really didn't like or want to do??) he's volunterily doing them FOR HER. Have you read the book HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU? I ask because in it there are signs that he IS that into you. A guy that IS that into you, will go out of his way for the happiness of the girl. If she likes country music, he'll make an effort to get to where if not liking it, he can tollerate it with a smile on, just to make her happy. If it bothers her, makes her feel insecure, that he has contact with his XGF, he'll block her on IM and cut the contact short, just to make her happy. If the guy IS that into her, he will step up to meet her expectations. He'll WANT to make the effort. He'll WANT to change to be the man she thinks she deserves.
Hello, I'm sorry for the pain you're in...it must be intense given how abruptly he ended things. You state that you're over him, but you show all the signs of being in complete denial...a stage most of us go through after a break-up.
"Oh, I am pretty much over him now, just want to be friends since we were friends for so long before we started dating."
Hate to say this, but forget about making him your friend, at least for now. Maybe when a good deal of time has passed (I'm guessing at least a year, but it varies) it might be possible. What kind of friend blocks your messages? That's about as clear a sign as you can give that a person doesn't want contact. Although it's painful, be thankful you have that clear message and can move on, at least you're not getting any mixed signals leaving you wondering whether or not to hang on. He's told you in a number of ways it's over...now it's your job to get through the grieving stage and move on. You are setting yourself up for a great deal of rejection and humiliation by continuing to force yourself into his life when he's made it clear he has other plans now.
No Contact is the only thing that's going to get you through this. Read "He's Just Not That Into You", "He's Scared, She's Scared", and "Why Men Love Bitches" while you're practicing no contact. You're going to go through a lot of crying and grieving, but you will get through it if you make attempts to fill your life up with new positive pursuits. At first it feels artificial, but gradually you'll find enjoyment again and you'll be a stronger and wiser person. Good Luck...