Is what I did worth it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
Is what I did worth it?
4
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 1:24am

This is my first time posting here and I have a lot to get off my chest and hopefully you guys can help me understand more on relationships.

Me and my now ex who I will call Jason dated the first time for 2 months 3 years ago, we were introduced by a mutual friend who I will call Stacey. He broke up with me when he moved out of state but we had always kept in touch and stayed friends. I had a toxic relationship after that.Last year he moved back to town and we started seeing each other more and we gave it another try and got back together in January of this year. Stacey and I were best friends, however,early last year we had a falling out and we are still not talking . Jason considers Stacey a real good friend of his and he was torn between his good friend and his girlfriend so he said that it would mean a lot to him if I'd make an effort in reconciling with Stacey. I was hesitant and didn't respond yet and we got into a screaming match and he stormed out of the room.SO when we finally talked he told me that he was tired of having to pick when he can hang out or talk to her on the phone with her without pissing me off. SO I got mad and just said we might as well break up. I am very stubborn and I realize that I could've handled it differently, but my last toxic relationship left me really hurt and skeptical about everything. I am skeptical in the sense that I don't believe a guy could have a friend who's a girl without trying to get in her pants. Perhaps I over analyze things because she wouldn't be the type of girl he is attracted to but I can't shake the thought out of my head though.
I deal with depression from the aftermath of my last relationship,I was with a pschycho and was abused....so I have a hard time trusting people. I gave it another go with Jason cuz I already knew him and knew that no matter what he'd never put his hands on me. That and he cared about me a lot the whole time that we were apart.
I took my things from his place and left and I've done a lot of thinking and I can't imagine life without him. He is the first person that I love with all my heart and I feel that I finally found someone that I'd be happy with and I definitely don't want to lose him for good. What am I to do to fix this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 1:33pm

Well, if you want to be with Jason, then you have to trust that he is not trying to get into Stacey's pants.

Also, since Jason asked you to reconcile with Stacey, if you want to be with Jason, then reconcile.

The past is the past and you shouldn't let things that happen in the past affect you now.

I know this is hard but it is true. Whatever happens, happens. The best thing you could do is to forgive, and don't give into crazy thoughts. You do not know if he is trying to get anywhere with Stacey and, from what you say in your email, I doubt that he is.

Rob

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 3:08pm
All you have to do is be civil with Stacey. You don't have to have sleep overs and braid each others hair. All Jason wants is to be truthful with you by not feeling like he has to hide his friendship with Stacey because it will make you angry. Talk to her and be pleasent and cordial so you can be in the same room when you have to be and don't freak out when he talks to her. Just because they talk does not mean that they are seeing each other or sleeping with one another. And since he doesn't want to hide its a pretty good guess that he doesn't want any of that. If he wanted it, he'd hide it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 11:09pm

Welcome to the board mangobd,


Do you feel you there was a good reason for you and Stacey to have a falling out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 11:47am
Thanks guys for your feedback.Jason and I are trying to work things out because we do love each other, we talked shortly after I broke things off with him and he said that he'd chose me over her but he didn't want to have to do that. He just took things into perspective b/c he just recently lost his grandma who he was extremely close with. He put on his calendar to go see her on a Monday and she passed away the Friday before that and he's gonna have that on his mind for a long time. SO he said that he's not gonna let that happen again with people he cares about because you never know when someone leaves you. I agreed with him on that, that life is too short for all this uneccesary stuff like the problem between me and Stacey. It's just been a confusing time for me because I do feel insecure about his relationship with Stacy even though she introduced me and Jason in the first place. Stacey is dating someone and she has to call or text Jason everyday and give the play by play of her life with her new friend and I don't like it at all. I am really trying hard to make sense of all this. He told me that he's just good friends with her cuz while he lived out of state he was having a lot of problems and she was there to listen to him. They talked more often when he lived out of state then I did with him because I was dating someone so we kept in touch but didn't talk that often until my relationship ended. So I guess you can say that I am jealous of their relationship because their friendship is tight like that.
The reason Stacey and I had that falling out was over something petty so there were times when I thought about it and said to myself that we were better friends than that. So yes in a way I wanted to talk things out with her. I've seen her a few times since Jason and I talk againd and we've been cordial towards each other but we don't call and talk on the phone or anything like that.
I am not very "experienced" as far as this whole love/relationship thing is concerned. He tells me that he loves me and we plan/talk about the future a lot such as kids, a house, what we'll do together....and he even talked about marriage....that freaked me out. We do spend every moment we can together and he likes being around me but I am still questioning things like Stacey is too close for comfort. Am I being selfish towards him and being too hard on myself? I know I should take things easy and not stress out but I love him so much and I want things to be good for us.