What if he contacts you?
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What if he contacts you?
| Mon, 04-14-2008 - 5:26pm |
What if contacts you?
i.e. You're signed in on msn, he writes "oh, I thought you blocked me, wasn't sure that you received my message yesterday."
Are we supposed to just ignore his messages, then log off?
If we're home and he calls...simply don't answer the phone?
What if we want him back, he attempts to contact us a few times but we ignore everything for "30 or 60 days" and he moves on?
so confused...
I had a conversation with my x today online... it was lame, he asked what I was doing this week, he told me about his 'busy' week, and I let him go politely. I didn't question his whereabouts lately...I didn't tell him I love him, I didn't get all jealous... just short and sweet.
Was that alright?

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Ok I tried the sweet thing and it got me no where this evening.
I'm online doing work, msn is running, he is deleted from my list, however he can see me.
He comes online and (my tagline was about landing a big campaign at work), and he congratulates me.
I said I didn't think I'd land it but, yay. He told me I was too hard on myself.
We had some small chit chat, nothing exciting...and I threw it out there.
It went like this...
Me: "I miss you"
Him: "Thats very nice of you... I miss you too"
More boring chit chat, small talk.
He made a joke about jogging today after work...how he has to get his cardio up jogging because he's not having sex.
What was that all about?
More boring small talk.
Then I said I had to go to do some stuff, and I dropped another one:
Me: "I love you (his name). Have a nice evening (doing what he had planned)."
I waited a few seconds.... nothing back.
So I went offline.
Tonight my good friend said, now you know...he's moved on. She said he was out at a bar a few weeks ago carrying on like he was single & that I should NOT feel bad for him at all.
I'm starting to lose hope in this situation and I can't help now but picture my life going forward without him. Pretty much this is how it feels as though it will be. It feels pretty stupid to be spending all this time thinking about him...is there a point?
I completely understand why no contact is important. Because it helps you to focus on yourself more because there are no new dramas created to obsess over I guess.
I see patience really isn't your strong suit at all :)
I think maybe you need to take some time away, and get yourself "back" into a positive mindset. I wonder though, have you ever had a positive mindset when it comes to romantic relationships?
To be honest, if you're giving up this easily, then I have to agree that maybe it's best for you to move on. It's good to know now that your heart may not be in it. Patience is what's required, and patience is what you don't seem to have. It took two years for the relationship to get to this point, it's not going to magically fix itself in one night because you told him you love him. You were I'm sure telling him that before the breakup. What would need to happen is to *show* not tell. I think you mentioned it was about six months ago when things started to take a downward turn. I'll be fully upfront and tell you it will take AT LEAST that long to rectify the situation, and that's only if you try consistently and really want to. It's why I say reconciling is not for the faint of heart.
Take a look at the How to Get Over Your Breakup post down in Resources. It should help you quite a bit.
ETA: One last thing-- Did it cross your min that maybe the reason he was in a good mood might be because he doesn't feel you're actually broken up, but have just hit a rough patch that will eventually be worked out?
Thank you Sandra....
You see, I'm confused between the *showing* him I love him and the no contact.
Oh! When I went online this morning, he actually had typed back "I love you too."
I don't want to keep pestering him & turning him off (i.e. if I were to call him or email him or sending him something at work...would end up turning him off). So how can I show him I love him? I figure just waiting and seeing what will happen over the next six months while giving him what he asked for....time? Otherwise I don't know...
See, I'm afraid that if he's just thinking, 'oh, I can take a break...do whatever... & she'll be there for me"...
I'll think of a better way to explain this one: Imagine yourself in a relationship, and for a brief moment, you're unsure...BUT...you wouldn't dare take the chance of taking a break or asking for space, because they could meet someone else in the meantime and they could be gone forever. So you choose to hang on.
That being said, yet he's tossed me out there. And here I am...alone, missing him and not looking forward to a summer without him. Although I'm not crying daily anymore, this entire situation is so painful. And he doesn't seem afraid to lose me....for the entire relationship he'd ask me constantly "do you love me, do you want to be with me"...to this, he doesn't care. He has not called me, except the one "I'm thinking about you" night, he only communicates with me on msn.
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