What just happened?!?!!?
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| Fri, 05-26-2006 - 2:05pm |
I'm baffled about the guy I recently started dating. Here's the story....
After several several terrible 1st and 2nd dates lately, I decided to add a new venue to my dating. I tried speed dating. And was pleasently surprised! After weeding through quite a few, I met 1 guy that, I'll be honest, based solely on looks wouldn't have been into. But after talking to him, I don't think ANYONE could meet him and not like him. But I still wasn't really "attracted" to him. And maybe that's where I went wrong. Because I think, in my mind, this whole time, I thought I had the upper hand. With "player" guys I know not to let my guard down, but with him I felt safe. I was kinda cocky I guess, thinking he should be lucky to have me. (That whole Charlotte & Harry from Sex and the City thing, kinda) So I waited till the 5th date to sleep with him, which I think is pretty much abiding by the "Rules". And was starting to really like him and I really thought he was into me as well otherwise I wouldn't have slept with him. Things were fine right after, I think. But the next few days he said that work was getting real bad. He got in a lot of trouble for slacking lately and was close to being fired so he told me he needs to put in a lot more time and effort. I was totally cool with that, I'm a hard worker myself so I can appreciate that. I invited him over for dinner Monday of last week and I felt like he was kinda distant but chalked it up to work aggrivations. But when he left he gave me a quick kiss like it was our 1st date. I'll be honest, I wasn't in the mood regardless but it weirded me out that he was so not-guy-like about it. I guess I always assumed once you have sex with a guy, he's always gonna wanna have sex with you. Apparently I'm wrong or he just didn't want to be with me. So after the awkward night, we talked a couple times throughout the week, but I always got weird vibes like I was bothering him or something and he continued to blame it all on stress at work. Well, Saturday morning I called him. We had a quick chat and I ended it with, "You seem very preoccupied and busy lately. I want to give you your space so I'm not the reason things are tough at work." That was basically it. I told him I won't call him and to call me when he has some time. He seemed shocked, but good about it. The second I hung up, the clock immediately started ticking. I gave him 5 days, which was Thursday. So today being Friday, Thursday has come and gone. I have completely soured and don't want to be with him now anyway. But where was the turning point?? Where did I go wrong?? I feel like I followed the rules and I still got clobbered.
Any opinions out there??

It sounds like you never really liked him at all but you're upset that he doesn't like you now. Look on the bright side please: you weren't that into him, so any hurt you suffer will be minimal.
I'm not sure what you mean when you say you followed the rules and got clobbered. What rules are you talking about? I'm not sure whose rules say having sex on the fifth date is ok. Some people, perhaps older women, actually prefer to wait for much longer than that, until they have discussed exclusivity and know the guy wants what they want.
It sounds like he decided the relationship just wasn't right for him for whatever reason, and he's probably relieved that you've given him space. Relationships aren't about who has the upper hand. They're not about games. They're about two people trying to understand each other, be good to each other, and see if there's a chance they can create something lasting.