What made you realize enough was enough?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
What made you realize enough was enough?
5
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 8:45pm
i posted a few days ago for the first time with a long "summary" of my drama (am i the stupidest girl ever?), which is probably why few responded ;)
my question is...what was it that finally FINALLY made you realize that you needed no contact? and how did you find it in yourself to stay strong and go through with keeping away from the urges? My ex and I still talk/email every day, still talk about how we wish things had worked out differently and still plan overnights...i know that for me to truly heal, i should cut all ties, but i'm just soo afraid to do that. and honestly i'm not ready for it so I just want to know where others strength came from?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 11:29pm

Hi nuthinbutachick -


Here's your previous post for those that want to catch up:


am i the stupidest girl ever?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 12:52am

For me, it was realizing that I'd basically wasted two years of my life (in sense that I was stuck, emotionally) after our 4 year relationship ended by staying in contact, futilely hoping he'd change. I knew that if I didn't cut off contact, I'd be in the exact same place in another two years and that thought scared the crap out of me.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 1:16am
I think we might be in the same boat.
My boyfriend and I broke up last week, we were together for more than a year, discussing marriage and everything. it's a long story about why it all ended, but I know what you mean about wanting to call. we used to text message about 60 times a day! and now it's like going cold turkey. I have wanted to call him for the past 2 days, but I haven't done it. Every time I want to I call my mom or my best friend (I think they are sick of my calls)
I guess I wonder why I'm doing this to myself, I mean if I want to talk to him shouldn't I be able to call him? At the same time I wonder if I miss him or if I just miss that contact with someone.
hmm, maybe we can help each other find a way to survive these break ups.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2007
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 3:37am
If you're still doing "overnights" how are you broken up? I am currently reading Mars and Venus on a date and basically it says everything that i'd suggest for you to do. Until you're ready...it's not over 'til it's over. if you're still having sex, even as little as once a month, you're still very involved. Get a female support group, start volunteering, get busy doing things other thatn taking time to e-mail him. I just broke up after a 3 yr relationship. I'll post more later. I've really learned a lot freom this book about how to permanently end it...I truly recommend this book.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 10:47am


Wow. This is a big boat. I'm in it too.

My girl dumped me three weeks ago. This would be the third time. Each time, she says it's for good. I'm stuck on her, way deep.
I've been seeing her for three plus years and she has two kids and I have one. Shortly after the second break up and get back together, I was convinced we broke up because I did not ask her to marry me. So, I go out and buy a huge diamond ring, and we take a weeks vacation in Vegas. This was June of 2006. So, I suggest we go on a gondola ride at the Venetian, and I get on one knee and propose to her. It was wonderful.
After that, we decide to move in together, so all five of us live in a one bathroom house which was hers. I sold my house so my daughter and I could move in. A little while after that, I used all my money from selling my house and put it into adding a master bedroom, master bathroom, and family room onto her house. All five of us living in one bathroom and needing to get ready every morning...kaos. So anyway, the addtion took a year.
Right about the time I finish doing all the work on the addition ( and I did a fairly decent amount of work myself ) she tells me she doesn't love me anymore and says I need to find some other place to live.

I feel like a freight train just hit me. I don't have anywhere to go so I have to stay in the house, and we fight every day about the same thing...when are you getting out. Like I can wave a magic wand and find a place instantly.
So, during the three weeks, she tells me she cannot remember the last time she actually loved me, kissing me is like kissing her brother, and all the cards and letters I gave her throughout the years, she dumps in the trash.
She says our relationship is toxic and she can't stand all the arguing all the time. I didn't think we argued really that much more than any other relationship but she feels we did.

Anyway, I still love her even though she hates me. At least my daughter and I just found another place to live so we can get out of the house in a week or two.

Hopefully, you can get through your issues as well.