what a mess!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
what a mess!
1
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 3:24pm

i had just gotten out of a bad, 2 1/2 year relationship when i met my now latest ex. he was beautiful and sweet and considerate and wonderful and even though i thought it was too soon to be with someone else, and i didn't necessarily want to get involved with a coworker, i didn't want to miss out on this chance with this guy, so i just went for it. at first it was amazing, he was everything my ex wasn't; he bought me surprises and flowers and spent time with my family and friends, even drove with me out of state to meet my mom and threw me a birthday party. we were even planning a trip out of state to meet his parents, and a possible trip to hawaii with my dad. after years of neglect with the last guy, this was a dream come true. then it just kind of stopped.

it started with his not answering my phone calls and then just not calling me back. it really made me mad, but i didn't want to make a big deal of it (he had problems with his ex being controlling and i wanted to be the kind of girl who didn't blow up over every little thing). but it did make me mad and it only got worse from that. he stopped emailing as frequently and his visits to my desk and our lunches together ceased completely as well. i had no idea what was going on, only that he was maybe going through some issues with an ex over a house they had bought together, but really i didn't know anything at all because i had not seen or spoken to him in almost two weeks. and this is with working together! the worst of it hit when we spent our first weekend apart. we have always, since the beginning of our relationship spent every weekend together and when i asked on friday at work what we were going to be doing for the weekend, he gave me some lame excuse about my having to work, him being broke, etc. needless to say we did not spend the weekend together nor did he call me once that weekend. i heard from his roomates that he had spent all day that saturday at the beach, and had gone to something downtown that night and not come home until 4 in the morning. 4 in the morning! i knew it was over but didn't have the guts to actually break it off until a week later. and he certainly didn't have the guts to either!

when i finally got ahold of him the following week, i asked him what was going on and he told me he was having legal troubles and that he was afraid he was going to lose his job and that he was so stressed out that he couldn't even function anymore, and was afraid he was just going to blow up over anything. i asked him if it was too much for him right now, with all this stuff going on, to be in a relationship. he said it was and that he didn't want to drag me into it or have to worry about me or worry about taking it out on me, etc. i told him it wasn't what i wanted and that i didn't want to lose him, but that i would let him go if that was what was best for him. he agreed that it was, and we parted amicably.

magically, as soon as this was done, i started seeing him around work again, he would come by my area and talk with me and visit. i saw him more in the last few days than i have in weeks. i saw him only a couple of times on friday, just in passing and said hi, but nothing else. apparently he thought i was angry, because he sent me an email (the first in weeks) asking what was with all the dirty looks and was he not supposed to say hi to me anymore? i was confused and kind of mad, after all those weks of ignoring me and blowing me off, and now i'm the one getting rude emails because he thought i didn't say hi to him? it made no sense.

i found out later that day that i had been selected at my job to go out of state to another office to help out with their backlog for a month. a whole month away! i can't wait to use that time to heal my heart and just relax and be away and exercise and just feel better, i've been so sad lately.

i think i messed up though, i emailed him and told him i was leaving for a month. he responded back that he would miss seeing me around but that it would be good for me, moneywise. in a moment of stupid hope i emailed him back that he would miss me a little less if we went and had dinner before i left. i regretted it instantly, but he emailed me back (this was friday, mind you) and said how about dinner on monday. Monday! what the heck was wrong with the rest of the weekend? now i'm dreading it completely and wishing i had never even mentioned it. i know i'm just going to end up disappointed and upset and i don't want to have any more things to feel sad about before i leave. should i just tell him i have too much stuff to do before my trip? i really miss him and want to be with him so badly, but i have a feeling i'll just feel so much worse if id do. help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 4:21pm

Welcome to the board orngeblossmhoneybear,


Sounds like he jumped in with both feet, back peddled, didn't want to be upfront with you and you are left picking up the pieces.


As nicely as possible, he's got plans for the weekend that do not include you.